“Then I guess we can date,” I tell him, because even though I know that dating him has the potential to hurt me more than just marrying him with no other commitments, I also know I’m not going to change my mind on either.
We spend the day at the park, talking and taking laps on the walking trail until the sun starts to set. I can no longer hide the yawns I’ve been swallowing for the last thirty minutes, and Nate declares that it’s time to head back to the clubhouse.
The living area is weirdly quiet—absent of a group of people chatting and laughing, something I was beginning to think was commonplace around here—as we walk through to his room.
I head to the bathroom with my pajamas, wondering how awkward it’s going to be to date during the day then crawl into bed with each other at night. Dating leads to sex, and my not-so-enjoyable experiences are what almost made me decline his suggestion, even though I offered my body to him to keep him from going elsewhere.
See? My head is a complete mess.
He heads into the bathroom right after I leave it, his eyes directed away from me as we pass. This is going to be so weird.
I crawl into bed, not making a sound when I hear him leave the bathroom, the flip of the switch leaving us in nearly complete darkness.
The bed dips, the weight of his body nearly enough to force me to roll into him, but I cling to the edge of the mattress to prevent that from happening. The thought of sex with him terrifies me, but I wouldn’t be opposed to sleeping on his chest, something I’ve never done with anyone before. I can’t imagine he’d be okay with me just doing that, so I stay on my side, eyes squeezed tight.
Despite the confusion in my head, today was a good day, and there’s no threat of tears stinging my eyes tonight. I’m going to count it as a win.
I jolt slightly when his palm presses to my back, but instead of moving away from his touch, I smile as those tiny circles begin on my back.
Sleep comes easy tonight.
Chapter 10
Apollo
Even as I sneak out of the bed in the middle of the night, I can’t seem to wipe the smile from my face. April’s soft breathing isn’t something I’m trying to avoid, but her abrupt arrival in my life isn’t something I can let distract me from what I need to do.
I sweep my boots off the floor, opting to put them on in the living room rather than taking the chance of waking her. I only plan to be gone for an hour or so, and if I’m lucky, she won’t even know that I’m gone.
The inside of the SUV still smells like her—a combination of her soft skin and the fries she had earlier. As I drive, I think of her smiles, and the way her eyes crinkle when she laughs. I picture her hair, shiny and luscious in the evening sun. I was tempted more than once to reach out and touch it, dying to know what it would feel like against my skin, but I knew having her permission to start dating didn’t open us up for a free-for-all of touching her any damn time I feel like.
I should be ashamed for holding her hand while we walked, taking probably more laps around the park than she wanted because I was reluctant to let go of her. Helping her in and out of the vehicle made me want to stop at every gas station on the way home and insist she find a snack. I can’t seem to stop touching her, but it was that incessant urge that kept me awake tonight until she fell asleep. That ache inside of me is what is propelling me across town, forcing me to take up two spots in the new apartment complex, and practically run to apartment 403.
“Hey there, stranger,” Nova purrs after opening the door to find me standing on her front stoop. “Come inside.”
I walk in past her, feeling guilty the second she closes us inside of her apartment. I know I shouldn’t be here. I know April wouldn’t understand.
And although I’m not here for what I normally come here for, I still feel guilty for even showing up.
“No,” I tell Nova as she places her hand against my chest, reaching up on her tiptoes to press her mouth to mine.
“This instead?” She drops her hand to the front of my jeans, forcing me to take a step back.
“I came here to tell you that while I’ve enjoyed our time together, it’s over.”
“Over?” She bites the corner of her bottom lip, something that always drove me wild, and if I were a weaker man, I’d give in to just one last time because God knows how long it’s going to be before I’m inside a woman again.