My heart grows to twice its normal size.
Chapter 27
April
For years, happiness to me was dreaming about a life where I could make my own decisions, a life where people didn’t judge me, one where I was a part of something bigger, something I not only benefited from but also contributed to. My life now with Nate and the rest of the Cerberus team is all of that and more.
Today is a combo celebration, both for the Fourth of July but also a one-month wedding anniversary of sorts. Of course, all the people around aren’t looking at it as an anniversary, but that hasn’t stopped me from pretending that all the food we’ve been preparing as well as the fireworks show going on later tonight is for us as a couple.
Needless to say, this is pure bliss for me. My days are spent missing Nate while I’m working, and my evenings are spent holding him and talking about our future. Things are perfect and have been for weeks.
Of course, that makes me insanely nervous because things aren’t ever perfect for me. The last time I thought I was living with perfection, I was being manipulated and lied to. It’s that old pain that made me wake up cautious today. I just can’t get the feeling that the other shoe is going to drop, and the bottom is going to fall out of my happiness.
It’s like a sinking feeling in my gut that makes me keep such a close eye on Nate, searching his face for clues, looking for missteps in his demeanor because too good to be true means it is.
“What about these?” I ask Emmalyn, holding up a jar of pickles.
“You can add them to the tray over there.” She points to one of the many trays of finger foods on the counter. “If they won’t fit, we have more trays in the pantry.”
I’m helping with preparation, cutting vegetables and any other task that has nothing to do with cooking. Food prep wasn’t part of my duties while I was in California, and it became very obvious that I have no idea what to do in the kitchen shortly after I arrived here. I have a husband and a baby on the way, and I can’t even take care of them.
Misty has been giving me lessons, but it seems I was born without any culinary skills, and it’s taking a while for me to get the hang of things. They don’t frown and sigh when I get something wrong, but they also don’t give me tasks when we have big get-togethers that will give me the opportunity to ruin something.
I work on arranging the pickles on the tray and look out into the backyard. There are tons of windows in the back of the clubhouse even though they’re very sparse in the front. I think it’s a safety thing, preventing people from seeing inside from the street or gaining access.
The backyard is an oasis with lush green grass, and an outdoor and indoor pool. I’ve taken advantage of the indoor pool on many occasions, and with the July weather super hot, there’s always someone in the pool.
I cut my eyes toward the row of grills set up for tonight. It was explained to me that there aren’t many occasions where the property is open to the public, but Cerberus has an annual party where anyone is welcome. After the sun goes down, there will be a huge fireworks display, and I’m eager to see it. At the compound, holidays weren’t celebrated, and I’ve never seen fireworks in person. Nate told me it’s going to be incredible. A company is hired and puts on the show, so it’s not like some homemade event. I know I’m going to be impressed either way since I’ve never experienced it.
“Can you take these outside?” Misty asks, handing me a tray loaded with foil-wrapped potatoes.
“Sure.”
She holds the door open for me, and I’m greeted with laughter and squeals from the kids splashing around in the pool. A handful of adults are in there with them, playing and making sure they’re safe. I smile, knowing that there are so many people around here to help with the baby when it’s born. There will be children for my child to grow up around.
I approach Kincaid and Shadow at the grill, handing over the tray of potatoes, and waiting for the empty tray. Looking around, I notice people I don’t know gathered in groups chatting and having a good time.
I don’t see Nate, but I know he’s around here somewhere, looking delicious in a pair of black swim trunks. Many women look around wide-eyed and happy at the sight of so many muscled guys. It makes my skin crawl at how hungry they look as they giggle with each other and nod in the direction of men I know have wives or significant others. It doesn’t help that most are in tiny shorts and bikini tops. Some have bathing suits that barely cover anything at all. More than a few are absolutely gorgeous, and it makes me want to slither away and hide the baby bump that seems bent on waving at everyone as I walk.