Naps aren’t a new thing. We typically get one in every afternoon when she gets home from work, but it’s an hour before sunset, and we already had our nap today. I groan thinking about how we wore each other out before falling asleep tangled together.
I’m not greeted with a napping wife when I open the bedroom door. Her shoulders are shaking, sniffles coming from where her head is buried in her pillow.
“April?” I close the door and cross the room to her. “Are you nauseous?”
She stiffens when I place my hand on her back, and it’s all I need to know that this isn’t health related. Someone upset her, and although it doesn’t take much these days—there’s a hair-trigger on her emotions—she seldomly cries.
“Baby? Tell me what’s wrong.”
She turns her head, and I can see her profile. “Is that the woman you went to that night?”
“Who?”
“The one in that red bikini. The one you smiled at like you wanted a steak this evening with a side of her.”
“Nova? I didn’t smile at her any kind of way.” I’m certain of this because when I noticed her, it took a literal effort not to frown. “And nothing happened that night, just like nothing happened just now.”
I guess most men would get agitated by such accusations, but I know April needs periodic assurances that I’m happy and not going anywhere. I just hate that she gets in this headspace because it means she doesn’t fully trust me or this thing we’ve been building.
“I think the only thing that stopped you from acting on doing something with that woman was being around people who would tell you it’s wrong.”
I pull my hand from her back because she doesn’t look comfortable with it there. “It doesn’t matter if I were alone with Nova. Nothing would happen. April, you’re the only—”
She jolts up, sitting on the bed as far away from me as she can manage. “I can’t do this. I hate feeling like this. I hate doubting every move.”
“I can’t control when or who approaches me, only the way I respond. Hound was talking to me about taking you on a babymoon, and that made me think of the beach. I was picturing you in the sexy-ass bathing suit you’re wearing and the next thing I know she was right in front of me. I didn’t even see her until Legend got my attention. I don’t know how long you were watching, but I stepped back the second I noticed her.”
She shakes her head as if I’m telling her lie after lie.
“I didn’t even shake her hand. I wouldn’t.”
“I saw the smile, Nate. Please don’t lie to me.”
“If I was smiling, it was because I was thinking about you.” I give her a weak one now. I know I haven’t done anything wrong, but I’ll do whatever it takes to make her understand there’s no one else for me.
“You’re breaking my heart right now, and I wasn’t even supposed to give it to you in the first place.” More tears track down her face. “What we have—had—isn’t what I planned, and now emotions are involved. It’s making everything messy and too complicated.”
I inch closer to her, resisting the urge to reach out and touch her. “Of course feelings are involved. We’re married, and I love you.”
Her head snaps up, and I can see she’s trying to decide if I’m telling her the truth. I’ve told her I loved her with my body, with my actions, with the way I look at her, but I’ve never said the words out loud until now. I feel a little guilty for that, both because I should’ve said it before and because right now it feels like a weapon, a reason to make her drop her guard and trust me.
“I want no one but you. I haven’t wanted anyone else since you arrived. That’s why you suggesting I be discreet when seeing other women made me so angry. I don’t want other women. You’re it for me.”
She swipes at the tears on her face, but they still show no signs of slowing.
“I can’t explain it,” I continue. I’ll talk all damn day, lay it all out if that’s what she needs. I’m not going to risk losing her because she has trust issues. “There isn’t a woman walking this earth that holds a candle to you, and I know how crazy that is. I know how we got started, but I’m all-in. There’s no going back or changing my mind. I’m dedicated to you and our family, and I’d never ever do something to compromise that.”
I reach for her, and although she doesn’t lean in, she doesn’t pull away when I hold her against my chest. She buries her head in my neck, her back trembling with her sobs.