He winces at the seriousness of my tone, and I revel in it.
“Aww, is this mushy shit killing your masculinity?”
“Fuck you.”
Yep, it’s definitely good to see Brody again.
The guy I’m ninety percent sure is Anders stands outside my apartment when I arrive home from dinner. He spins on his heel and gives me his assessing half-smile. It’s as if he’s waiting for me to decide which twin he’ll be. There’s a moment of hesitance each time he’s turned up here. Like he’s testing me. He doesn’t want to be the one to tell me who he is. I hate to admit it, but the only reason I always thought it was him was because Law didn’t know where I lived. Now he does.
“Sorry, I should’ve messaged,” he says. “You been out?”
I clear my throat. “Just to dinner.”
He frowns but recovers so fast I wonder if I imagine it. I want him to be jealous of my dinner, but I still don’t know for sure who I’m staring at, so do I want Anders or Law to be jealous? I have no idea.
“Hot date?”
“If it was?”
He shrugs and looks at his feet. “Then I’m doing a shit job of keeping you happy. I mean, I know we’re casual, but …”
At his insecurity, the tension in my chest snaps. I step forward and cup the back of his head, bringing his lips to mine.
Yeah, I was hoping it was Anders.
That’s what I tell myself as I blindly unlock my door and enter my apartment still attached to Anders’ face.
The usual tightening of my jeans doesn’t happen right away, and I would blame the wine I had at dinner, except for the fact Anders’ lips feel … weird. Wrong.
No, Brody’s just got in my head. That’s all.
Anders is perfect for me and what I need right now, which is still no strings attached. I’m not looking for a boyfriend. Nope. Not at all. Not interested in falling for someone, coming home to someone …
Fuck. I do want that. But do I want it with Anders?
He’s hot, the sex is off the charts, and the most important thing—he’s gay. Aside from that, I know shit all about him apart from what Law’s told me, and it speaks volumes that Anders hasn’t trusted me with his past or told me anything personal.
Anders pulls back. “Are you okay?”
Guess I’m not showing my usual level of eagerness to get him naked. “Yeah, I am. Umm, could we maybe sit for a bit? Talk?”
“O … kaaay.”
I can do this. I can have “real talk” with Anders.
He throws himself on my couch. “What did you want to talk about?”
“How’s Law?”
Anders cocks his brow. “You want to talk about Law when we could be having sex right now?”
“Umm, I guess not. How’s work?”
“It’s accounting. It’s fucking boring.”
I laugh. “Okay, won’t talk about that either.”
“Good. Talking portion of the night over yet?” He slides closer, putting his arm around my shoulder and moving his head closer to mine.
Anders has a point. Talking isn’t what we’re together for. We’re not a sit on the couch type of couple, watching brainless movies and picking out giant plot holes. No, I have that with his straight brother.
Dammit, I want Law.
Brody’s right. I need to end this.
There’s no chance of ever being with Law, but being with Anders while thinking of his brother is the most asshole thing I could possibly do in this situation. Breaking up with Anders might make Law hate me, but if he knew the kinds of thoughts running through my head right now as Anders’ hand slides down my chest on a rapid descent towards my cock, I’m pretty sure Law would hate me even more.
“I have a confession,” I blurt out and pull away from Anders. I stand and pace the room, my heavy feet thudding along the hardwood floors, and I can feel Anders’ eyes as they track my every move.
How am I supposed to tell him I can’t be with him because he reminds me too much of his brother? And that I like Law more.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“That dinner tonight. I lied. It was a date—”
“It’s okay. We haven’t promised each other anything.” Anders’ hand does this shaking, trembling thing, and I don’t know if it’s from anger or nerves. I wonder if he knows where this is going.
I run a hand over my hair and force myself to spit out lies. “This guy … I really like him. It’s wrong being with you when I want to make it work with him.”
Yeah, I’ve taken the chicken way out, but there’s no point telling Anders I’m falling for his brother. With hope, when I stop messing around with Anders, my crush on Law will disappear because no weird lines will be crossed where I’m hooking up with his look-a-like.