Blindsided (Fake Boyfriend 4)

“Did the paranoia ever go away?”

“It dimmed, but I’m not gonna lie—I still worry about it from time to time.”

Talon looks so brokenhearted and defeated, but I don’t know how to fix it.

“It’s probably something we need to evaluate,” I say. “Because this is what being together is gonna be like. There’s no way around that.”

“Evaluate?”

“If it’s worth it.”

“Do you need to evaluate?”

I want to tell him the truth—to yell a big fat no, I don’t, because it’s always been Talon for me. I’d move heaven and earth to be with him. But his uncertainty is clear as day, and I don’t want to influence that.

“Maybe we both need it,” I lie.

“Man, this part isn’t on the brochure, is it?”

“Brochure?”

“When you hear about people coming out, you always picture awkward teens sitting in front of their parents. They come out, parents react—good or bad—and then it’s done. Fuckin’ nope. You’ve got friends, work, random people figuring it out in bars …” Talon grunts. “Whoever the assholes are who say being queer is a choice clearly don’t know shit. No one would choose to feel like this.”

My heart stutters, and I know that’s not a dig at me or what we have, but I can’t help being crushed just a little. “Like what?”

Talon stares down at the ground, and it takes all my strength not to press against him and tell him everything will be okay even though I don’t know that for sure. As long as I can restrain myself in public, as hard as it is to do, we won’t have a problem.

No touching doesn’t take away the risk of people finding out, though. Maddox worked it out after meeting Talon for fifteen minutes.

Talon shoves his hands in his pockets. “I don’t want to change this side of me, but I don’t know how else to describe this—like my privacy is on the line and there’s nothing I can do to stop it from being leaked. It’s a control issue.”

“That’s why I want you to be sure before we … do anything else.”

He doesn’t respond immediately, and I guess part of me is hoping he’ll say “Of course, you’re worth it. Duh.” But if he’s thinking about it, then that’s good too, because if he’s not sure, it’s better to know now.

“You wanna go home?” I ask.

“We haven’t been here long. We should go back in there and chill for a bit.”

More disappointment, and as we go back inside, I spend the next few hours trying to gauge what Talon’s thinking. He seems like his usual goofball self, but he avoids eye contact with both me and Maddox.

When we leave and go home a few hours later, things are so strained that we don’t talk the whole way back to Staten Island.

And instead of inviting me back to his place, he pulls up outside my mom’s house. I stare at the house and then at him, awaiting some type of excuse that doesn’t come. But as I go to get out of the car, Talon reaches for my thigh and gives it a squeeze.

I should ask what it means, because now, I’m going to spend the rest of the night wondering if it was supposed to be reassuring, casual, or bracing me for the bad news to come.

“I just need some time …”

I told him to think about it seriously, so I can’t blame him for actually doing it, but damn, if it doesn’t hurt a little.

* * *

The loud banging on the front door is what rouses me from sleep.

I can’t catch a fucking break. If it’s not the kidlet waking me up, it’s someone at the front door at some ungodly hour of the day.

I throw my pillow over my head and wait for Mom or Vanessa to answer the door. Hell, even Gabby could answer it right now for all I care.

Uncle of the year award right here. “Answer the door to strangers, honey, so Uncle Shane can get some rest.”

Gah, I should get out of bed to make sure she’s not being kidnapped or being asked to convert to Jehovah’s Witness, but I’m broken and can’t move.

After barely sleeping at all last night because of my idiotic decision to tell Talon to step back and have a think if I’m worth fighting for or not, I’m not gonna be able to function today when I can’t get myself to sit up.

“Geez, I give you two beers, and you think you get to sleep in this morning?” Talon’s voice startles me, and that finally gets me moving. I bolt upright.

“I … well … yes?” After last night, I wasn’t sure I’d see him today.

Talon crosses his arms. He’s in his ridiculously cute beanie and sweats, and his cheeks are flushed. “Come on. We’re walking back to the apartment and then training all day.”