Brody freezes. “You going to tell him about us?”
“No fucking way.”
“Okay.” He relaxes, and I tell myself not to read into why. I have my reasons for not wanting Law to know. He’d worry, he’d play the big-brother act, even though I’m ten minutes older, and he’d most likely come and talk to Brody about how fragile I am and that we shouldn’t be together.
Maybe Brody knows this and doesn’t want Law to know as much as I don’t, but I also can’t help wondering if Reed has anything to do with him not wanting them to know.
“How about I bring dinner home tonight? Save you cooking.” He holds up his hand before I can protest. “I know you like it, but one night off won’t hurt, and I want to bring you something nice.”
“Are you saying my cooking isn’t nice?” I shriek.
He hesitates. “It’s definitely getting better?”
Brody’s been such a good sport being my guinea pig, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna pretend to be offended. “You’ve been too spoiled with your connection at Videre. You need to eat real-people food. And by real, I mean cheap. Because I have no money.”
Brody pauses. “About that. Like, tell me if I’m overstepping, but you’re an accountant, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, Law always gets on me about being shit with money when money is my profession, but it’s kinda hard to have money when you spend outside your means.” I shrug. “It’s easy to do living in Brisbane. Everything is so damn expensive.” Especially therapy and my late-night shopping channel habit, but I won’t get into that.
“I already told you I don’t need rent from you. Even if it’s just until you get on your feet and pay off some debt.”
I’m thankful he doesn’t ask what has me going into debt, but I still can’t take his money. “Mixing money with what we’re doing is too much, I think.”
“Fair enough. Offer’s there though. I really have to go.”
“So go already.”
He groans. “I don’t want to.”
“Scared of your dad?”
“No. I want to stay in bed with you.”
“But then I won’t sleep, and you’ll be mad at yourself.”
“True. Okay, I’m going. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Can’t wait.” No sleep or not, I can’t wait to do it again.
* * *
“Oh, so you’re alive,” Law deadpans as I walk into his dojo.
“Still passive aggressive, I see. I’ve been busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
Your boyfriend’s ex. Yeah, don’t say that.
“Therapy,” I say instead.
“Karen’s got you going to more appointments?”
“Ah …” To lie even more or …
Telling Law the truth about seeing a sex therapist will either result in pure mockery or concern, but it’s getting to a point where I’m going to forget who I’m lying to and about what. I don’t like lying, but it’s as if that part of me that can’t let go of control also wants to protect me from everything—even from positive things like the love my brother has for me. Though in my defence, he can be overbearing like Mum sometimes.
“I’m seeing a new therapist,” I admit.
Law frowns. “What happened to Karen?”
“I’m still seeing her too. But this other guy specializes in … uh, why I’m a dick to men and how to get me to date for real.”
“There’s a special field of psychology just to get you to stop being a dick? Did all your ex-fuck buddies decide to fund a scientific study or something?”
I laugh and flip him off. I’m glad he went the mockery route, because I don’t know if I can handle him being all Law-like.
Doesn’t last long though, and Law turns serious. “For real, though, I think it’ll be good for you. You need to learn how to have healthy relationships again.”
“I know.”
“And just think, soon you’ll be able to break up with all the guys you want.”
I force a smile, but deep down I’m hoping doing this will mean I’ll never have to break up with someone again. Especially if that someone is Brody.
“How’s Reed?” I ask because I need a new topic. Stat.
But maybe I should’ve picked something else to talk about, because my brother makes that face—the one that says I’m so in love I can’t help looking like a goofball.
I wait for the usual pang of envy to hit, but it doesn’t come. It’s the first time since Law and Reed got together that I can say I’m happy for my brother and actually mean it. Well, I meant it before, but it would always come with a side of bitterness.
“We’re, umm, we’re talking, like, marriage and stuff. Maybe fostering some kids?”
I can tell how hard it is for Law to get that out, not because he doesn’t want it—I knew from the minute I saw the two of them together that Reed was special to Law. He was never like that with any of the women he’d been with. But it’s hard for him to talk about being happy with me, because he’s always felt it was rubbing his happy life in the face of my tortured one. And I wish I could say he didn’t have to feel that way, but the truth is, we both know it affects me.