Chapter Seventeen
OLLIE
“You look good,” Ash says. “Healthy.” Then he winces. “Which, of course, you do. You play fucking hockey.” He laughs the nervous chuckle that he has, and I find myself smiling.
Ash was there for all the important parts of my life, so it’s weird having this giant gap between us now, but that’s what happens when relationships break down.
Toward the end, things were ugly. We were fighting constantly. I don’t blame him for the ultimatum or the way things happened and hold no grudges, but it’s still weird.
Max hasn’t lost the constipated look on his face even with Lennon gone.
“Do you need to go to the bathroom?” I ask him, which makes him scowl harder.
“I don’t understand how you two can be so … so …”
“So, what?” I ask.
“Cavalier.” Max throws up his hands. “You guys had years together, and it seems like a waste now.”
I have no idea what he means by that, and before I can ask, he storms away, leaving me with Ash.
“What was that all about?” I ask.
Ash shakes his head. “I dunno. He’s been acting weird lately.”
“Max is always weird.”
We share a smile.
“And how have you been?” I manage to ask.
“Really good. I feel like I’ve gotten my life back, you know?” He winces again. “Sorry, my mouth is saying all kinds of wrong things today.”
I laugh, even if it sounds sad. “Yeah, but that’s fair.”
God, this is hard. I’ve heard about running into exes and how bad it can be, but I never imagined it would be like this with Ash.
“It’s not fair, and I didn’t mean it as a dig at you or anything. It’s just … if I’d known you were bringing someone, I might’ve skipped today, because I’ll admit seeing you with someone else is really fucking hard, but—”
“Yeah, well, hearing from my brothers that you’ve been sleeping around wasn’t exactly fun for me either.”
“I’m not. I mean … I’m not anymore. I’m, umm, well …”
“In a relationship. I know. The guys told me. And that’s completely okay, because so am I. That’s kinda what happens when you break up with someone, right? You both move on?”
I’m trying to move on and finally feel like I’m in a place to be able to do that.
“Yeah. You’re right. And I am.” It’s not until he reaches up to run his hand through his hair again—a nervous habit he’s had since we were kids—that I realize just how much he’s moving on.
My blood runs cold. “What the fuck is that?” I point to his ring finger.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” Ash sucks in a sharp breath. “I’m engaged.”
For a minute, my body and my head don’t know how to react. It’s only been a year since we broke up, and as far as I’m aware, he was still sleeping around six months ago—if my brother’s word is anything to go by.
“That’s fast,” I blurt out, thinking I only say it in my head.
“It is.”
I don’t know if I have an opinion about it or not. Part of me really hates it, because we were together for four years and marriage was an abstract concept that was a future thing to worry about. For him to dismiss what we had so easily and so fast and decide this new guy has always been the guy for him …
I mean, can I judge that though? I’m here with Lennon, hoping for more. Then again, I’m not fucking marrying the guy.
I think I’m understanding Max’s frustration now. “Who is he?”
“No one you know. He started out as a client.”
“When?” I ask.
“When what?”
“When did he become your client?”
Ash looks away. “Two years ago.”
Anger surges up. “Did—”
“No, I didn’t cheat on you, and I knew that would be the first thing you asked. He came into the shop again about six months ago for another tat, and it just … happened.”
“That easy, huh?”
Now I’m filled with jealousy for a whole other reason. Lennon and me … we’ve been anything but easy. Is that what relationships are supposed to be? Easy?
Or are they supposed to be heart fluttering, chest aching, and my body in a constant state of want? Because that’s what it’s like with Lennon.
“Well, I’m happy for you.” Okay, even I can tell my words are fake and my smile is tight, but I don’t care.
It’s not that I want Ash back or that I’m still in love with him, but why does him moving on so fast sting like a motherfucker?
I want to move on with Lennon, and I want to date him and see him and possibly fall in love with him. But marriage? I’m so many steps removed from that it seems like a foreign concept for me.
Marriage? Vows of forever?
All I want is a proper date. That’s where my life is at.