“That’s what I said.” I sigh. “Max hates the new guy. He’s pissed because we’ve both moved on so fast, and it seems like a waste or whatever. Evidently, I think it was that he was more invested in me and Ash getting married than either of us were.”
And that’s the funny thing about it all. I don’t like that Ash is getting married, but it’s not because I wish he was marrying me. In fact, when I think about standing at an altar and promising forever, I thank God I dodged that bullet. I guess that says a lot about Ash’s and my relationship.
“Is Max still gonna be an ass about it?” Lennon asks.
“Nah. He actually apologized.” I hold up the joint. “His peace offering. Said he wants me to be happy, but it’s hard for him. He’s gonna try though. And he won’t be a dick to you anymore.”
“Right. I’ll believe that when I see it.”
“It’s a shitty thing, what Ash and I did to him. We put him right in the middle. He’s my brother, but he’s Ash’s business partner. Doesn’t give him a right to be an asshole to you, and he knows that.”
Lennon reaches for the joint but hesitates for a moment before taking a hit. When he blows it back out, he turns to me and takes a deep breath as if gathering the courage to say whatever he’s thinking. “I think Ash would take you back if you came out.”
“What makes you say that?” I ask cautiously. I’ve thought about that very thing a lot this past year, but I always come back to the same conclusion. We made the right decision to split.
“I overheard him talking to Vic. He said he was kind of hoping finding out he’s engaged would make you pick up the phone. I’m guessing he meant to call Damon.”
Lennon refuses to look at me, and maybe I should be offended he’d think I’d jump at the chance, especially after just blowing him, but in his defense, I haven’t really told him much about Ash’s and my relationship.
I take another hit. “Here’s the thing about Ash and me. Growing up, I idolized all my brothers and followed them all around like a puppy. But when Ash moved in next door, everything became about him. I’d only follow him, and because he and Max were the same age and in the same class at school, it meant I followed both of them.”
Lennon smiles. “That’s kind of cute. I can imagine little Ollie following after his first crush.”
“Cute’s one word for it. Max liked to call it annoying and pathetic, but sure, let’s go with cute. Anyway … so …” I try to think of a way to explain it, but it’s a weird power dynamic I don’t quite understand myself. “Have you ever met anyone famous?”
“Hello, random subject change. How strong is this shit?” He reaches for the joint again.
“I have a point. I swear.”
“I’ve met a few athletes I idolized growing up, if that’s what you mean,” he says on an exhale, his voice all husky and sexy again.
I almost lose my train of thought but shake it free. “Yeah. So, you have expectations of them, right? And then when you meet them and realize they’re just human, it’s a bit of a letdown? Well, I never expected Ash to look at me in that way. When he came out, I was fourteen, which made me look up to him even more, even though I wasn’t one hundred percent sure why, because I hadn’t worked it out for myself yet. But when we started dating, I kinda did everything his way because whenever he’d dismiss one of my ideas for dinner or make me watch shitty films, I’d swallow my irritation down and remind myself I’m with Ash. The Ash. Ash wants me.”
“He was controlling?”
I shake my head. “No. Nothing like that. I did it to make him happy.” I shift, trying to get more comfortable—in the tiny treehouse or with this conversation, I’m not entirely sure. “You know how relationships are about compromising and communication and—”
“I know shit all about relationships. You forget my longest ones haven’t even lasted an entire season before.”
“Well, with Ash and me, it always seemed like I’d be the one giving in all the time because it was Ash. I had some weird hero worship thing for the guy from when I was a kid. Not to mention we had nothing in common. The main thing that connected us was our family and our childhood. Add that to the guilt over being closeted, it made for an uneven relationship. Everything was about him. The one thing I had was keeping us a secret—which is a big fucking deal, I know—but that meant to make up for it, I was giving him everything he ever asked for or wanted. We weren’t equals. I loved him, yeah, and it’s not even his fault that’s how our relationship was, but I still have no desire to go back to that.”