Noah relaxes, blanketing me with his body. “Guess you better start fucking me then.”
“Suddenly, I’m not so exhausted anymore.”
Chapter Fourteen
Noah
Matt’s sleeping face confuses me. Not because he looks more peaceful than I’ve ever seen him, but because I’m still staring at it long after he falls asleep. In my bed. Because I told him to stay.
Yup. That happened.
He said he only needed a minute to recover, and then I said it: stay.
I asked him to stay with me.
If I didn’t know it already, I definitely do now. I’m so screwed.
“What am I doing?” I whisper to myself.
“Huh?” Matt murmurs. Damn. Light sleeper, I guess.
“Nothing, babe. Go back to sleep.”
“Hmmlergh.” His beefy arm pulls me against him, and I don’t fight him.
I didn’t lie to Matt when I said I can’t sleep with anyone else in my bed. It’s not an intimacy issue—though that probably has something to do with it—but the main problem is I can’t get comfortable. When Matt and I were on the cruise, neither of us were conscious of getting close, so I always woke up with him glued to me. That’s when the uncomfortableness creeped in. Not when he was actually holding me. I don’t want to think about that too hard. It might open a can of Why I Don’t Let People Get Close to Me, and I don’t want to answer that question anytime soon. Pretty sure it sits right next to the cans of Daddy Issues and Shockingly Depleted Self-worth.
Gah, I need to go to sleep. I can freak out in the morning when Matt gets up at stupid o’clock to work out.
Only, when I wake up hours later with the sunlight streaming through the windows, Matt is still attached to me.
I nudge him off me. “Shouldn’t you be downstairs getting all sweaty?”
Matt rolls his hips so his cock digs into my back. “I don’t have to go downstairs to do that.”
“You really did miss me, huh? I’ve created a monster. How are you going to go during the season?”
“You’re too big to fit in my suitcase.”
“Mmm, but your toys aren’t.” Images from our video call make my dick hard, and my body inches closer to Matt.
“Pretty sure my roommate won’t appreciate that. That’s if I get a contract. I tried to talk to Damon last night about this meeting coming up, but he said to wait.”
I roll over to face him. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
“It does when he says it as if he’s about to tell me I have terminal cancer. Then Maddox ran interference, keeping me away from Damon. Although that might have to do with the fact that every chance I had to speak to Damon ended with me asking if I was allowed to go home yet.”
“Still, doesn’t mean anything. He probably didn’t want to talk about work where anyone could overhear.”
“Maybe …”
“You’ll find out tomorrow, so there’s no point worrying about it now.”
“Easy for you to say.” Matt’s right though. It is easy for me to say not to worry because I have no idea what it’s like to want something as bad as Matt wants football.
“You know what else is easy for me?” I push Matt onto his back and work my way down his body, laying open-mouthed kisses over his hard muscles. “Distraction.”
“I like this type of distraction.” His hands go to my head, gripping the nonexistent hair. “But do you have to shave your head? I want something to grip onto.”
“Maybe if you’re a good boy, I’ll grow it out.”
Matt moans, and I love it. I can lie to myself all I want and say I’m doing this for Matt, that he needs it to stop him from thinking, but the truth is, I need it just as much. Sex, I can do. It’s everything else I struggle with. Matt understands that. He’s the only one I’ve been with who gets it, and he doesn’t push for more. When my mouth wraps around his cock, he arches his back.
Matt grabs me to pull me up so I can get in on the action, but I shake my head. I’m not going to be selfish. I hold him down to stop him from reaching for me.
Matt fists the comforter and lets me take control. I pull off him just long enough to wet my finger with saliva.
“Fuck yes,” Matt hisses when I push against his hole.
I told myself I wouldn’t do this with him. He deserves someone better than me for his first time, and I’ve been determined not to fuck him, but it’s pointless in trying to resist. I won’t go there today, but I know it’s going to happen eventually.
It’s inevitable, because I’m not a strong man. Not when it comes to him.
The more time I spend with Matt, the more I worry this guy doesn’t have a number. I might never get him out of my system.