Fake Out (Fake Boyfriend 1)

Fuck.

I rush over to him and practically knock him down as I kiss him hard. He stumbles back, but his hands go to my waist, and his mouth takes everything I give.

I try to express everything I feel for him, everything I want to say, because I’m not sure if I can admit it aloud yet. I love him. This is true, but the thought of saying it out loud makes the walls close in—just like they’ve always done. Only difference is, this time, when I remind myself that it’s Damon, all that doubt, the claustrophobia, the itchy feeling of wanting to escape disappears completely.

If I focus on the Damon part and not words like love and forever, I don’t freak out. I want it. Everything.

Mom clears her throat, and I force myself to pull back. “I’ll uh, let you boys talk it out,” she says.

When she’s gone, Damon turns to me. “I was expecting more yelling, maybe accusations of being a stalker, and maybe a I never want to see you again, but a kiss?”

“How did you know I was here?” I ask.

“Tracking app on your phone,” he says simply. When my mouth drops open, he smirks. “What, I can’t make jokes?”

I shove him.

“I was going to let you cool off and give you space, but well, I’m me. I called around to like … everyone. I found out you were here, and I told myself to stay away. If I drove you to escape to PA, something had to have been seriously wrong. But you have to know I didn’t do what you think I did.”

“I don’t care anymore.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not like you. I’ve never thought of something I wanted and just gone for it. I don’t travel because I’m content to sit back and complain without actually making an effort. You know what you want and you go for it. I’ve always admired you for it, so it makes sense you would’ve been planning for the future and looking for possible apartments—”

“That’s just it. I wasn’t,” he says.

“You weren’t?” Why does that fill me with crushing disappointment?

Fucking hell, I want to live with him now? I shake that thought off and tell myself to come back to that later.

“I was looking for me,” Damon says. “My lease is up next month, and we both know I hate my apartment. I asked Stacy to check out a few buildings near your work, but when I sent through the list, I accidentally sent her the one I saved before you told me you didn’t want to live with me. I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not ready for, and I’ve been chasing you down trying to tell you that. I’m pretty sure I’m in a relationship with your apartment now though. I gave it a killer speech last night, hoping you were on the other side of the door listening.”

I burst into laughter. “Speech? Do I get to hear it?”

“Nope. It’s between me and your door. But it had lots of apologizing and groveling, and now you may never see that side of me.”

“I treated you as if you were Chastity, when you’re not. You wouldn’t hold me back or make me do something I didn’t want to do. Last night, I was too freaked out to see it rationally and went into flight mode because it’s my automatic reaction to everything. But I don’t want to run away.”

Damon wears a grin that lights up my Goddamn world. “You’ll come home with me now?”

“How did you get here?” I move to the front windows and see a Beemer outside.

“Borrowed Noah’s car. I would’ve been here sooner, but he decided to lecture me about fucking it up with a guy who could put up with my shit.”

“Noah loves me more than you,” I sing. “When do you have to have Noah’s car back by?”

Damon shrugs. “Dunno. He rarely uses it. Who has a fucking car in New York?”

“When’s your graduation?”

“Wednesday.”

I smile. “What are the chances of getting two days off from OTS?”

Damon fake coughs. “I think I feel the flu coming on. Where are you going with this?”

“Do we need passports to cross over into Canada? Niagara is what, four, five hours away?”

“Maddy, what are you planning?”

“I’m planning to jump in headfirst with my eyes closed and hope for the best. I’m acting instead of wishing for more, and I want you to do it with me.” I swallow hard and force myself to say the words I’ve been too scared to admit. “Because I love you.”

A breath gets caught in Damon’s throat. “Your door blabbed, didn’t it?”

“Huh?”

“Can we state for the record that I told you I loved you first? It just happens that I told your door instead of you.”

“You told my door you love me?”

“I fell in love with you weeks ago but didn’t want to scare you off.”