He leads me to the end of the hall and through an emergency exit into a narrow, dusty stairwell.
“Well this looks fun and reasonably worthwhile.” I pin him with a dry look.
Foster snorts. “Up you go.”
It looks like another two flights to the top, so I get moving, hyper aware of Foster behind me. The beer bottles chink together in the quiet space and when we get to the top, we find a door marked, This door is alarmed. Authorized personnel only.
“I don’t like the look of that.”
“Trust …” He breathes into my ear. Then he reaches around me and pushes the door open.
I catch my breath for half a second, expecting an alarm to start blaring.
There’s nothing but silence.
“Oh thank God.”
“You worry too much.”
Foster nudges me forward, and I leave the little stairwell behind and find myself on the roof of the building. He wedges an old brick into the doorjamb and waves one hand out to the side.
“You like watching people, and from up here you can see pretty much everything.”
I creep toward the edge of the building and look out over the CU campus. It looks even bigger from up here.
“Wow, this is … really cool.”
“Yep.” I watch as Foster lays out the blanket.
“You come up here all the time? Like, on dates?”
His lips twitch. “Nah, with Jacobs. We usually sit just there, beside the vents, and shoot the shit. Sometimes you’ve just got to get away.”
“I’ve never had that impulse before.”
“Really?” His tone is challenging. “You’re telling me you never lose yourself in your work and shut everything else out?”
“Okay, fair point.”
Foster takes the bags from me and flops back on the blanket before patting the spot next to him. “I don’t bite.”
“That’s a ridiculous thing to say. Every being with teeth bites. It’s how we consume food.”
“I mean, I won’t bite you.”
“Why on earth would that be something I need reassurance for?” I move closer and sit down.
Foster’s studying my face. “You’re joking again.”
I roll my eyes. “Was I that obvious?”
“I like it.”
That makes me smile. I know what he’s doing, complimenting me to try and set me at ease, but it’s effective nonetheless. To try and hide the way my cheeks are inappropriately heating up, I reach forward and pull the sandwiches out of their bag. Foster grabs two beers and flips the lids off with the bottle opener on his keyring.
“Resourceful.”
“I make sure to cover all bases.” Foster takes a sip and nods at the sky. “Remember number eighteen? Have a picnic at sunset. Now I’ve shown you both sides of the day.”
I turn my attention back to where the sun has started to set. The sky is stained bright orange, but the light is quickly fading.
We sit together quietly, eating our sandwiches and watching the sunset. I’m hyper aware of him the whole time.
I’m aware of his big thigh right near mine, and I’m aware the hand he’s leaning on is barely an inch from my side. I’m aware of the way he eats and the way he breathes. I almost wish I could pluck his thoughts right from his brain, but I’m almost scared of what I’d find there. He says he’s not doing this for Seth, but I can’t work out what exactly he’s getting out of spending time with me.
In the three years we’ve known each other, I’d always gotten the impression he was humoring me. We didn’t really have much contact unless we were around the rest of his family, but I’d notice sometimes when I got all rambly he’d be watching me with a smile I couldn’t place.
Sometimes it felt like pity.
Sometimes it felt softer.
But it always felt like he knew something I didn’t.
“Why are you doing this?” I force myself to ask. “Like, the experiences and stuff.”
Foster’s dark eyebrows jump up. “Do I need a reason?”
“Yes. Because every action has a motivation behind it.”
His lips purse as he thinks. “Why can’t it just be that I enjoy your company?”
“You enjoy spending time with me?”
“Is that so hard to believe? Seth does, and he’s always had good judgement.”
Yes, but Seth likes to feel needed, and I give him that. I’m still wondering what it is that draws Foster to me. “I still don’t understand.”
He shifts closer and pokes me in the cheek. “From anyone else, I’d think they were fishing for compliments, but you’re actually asking, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Okay … you’re calm, I guess.”
“Calm?”
“Yeah, everyone I know is always on. My friends, my team, even the people I date. It’s like everyone’s trying to be the person they think they should be, but you don’t have that energy. You’re just, you.”
“I don’t know how to be anyone else.”
Our gazes collide, and when he smiles at me, my lips copy his. “Good. I like your version of you.”
“If it helps, you’re calm too. I don’t know how to explain it because putting feelings into words is hard for me, but when you’re around, something, umm … settles. Maybe it’s because we’ve known each other a while, so this doesn’t exactly feel … new? It does, but it doesn’t.” I cut my words off there because I’m dangerously close to rambling, and let’s see how calm he thinks I am then.