“We just worry,” Mom adds. “We’re allowed to, you know.”
“What about the NHL?” Dad asks.
“Still the plan. Always the plan.”
“And you’re prepared for whatever backlash you’ll face?”
“I’ll be signing as an out player. I’m not going to hide that.”
Dad nods. “I can’t tell you what to do, so I’ll support your decision no matter what, but … maybe think about it some more?”
I know he’s being supportive, and from a certain standpoint, I get it. Queer men in sports is still a hot-topic issue. It’s added pressure. It’s more scrutiny.
“I will,” I say even though my mind is already made up.
I don’t want to go into the NHL pretending to be someone I’m not. It might make achieving my goals ten times harder, but fuck it, I love a challenge.
We eat, but now there’s a weird vibe hanging over us. All things considered, it went well, but …
“I don’t think I should hide who I am to play a sport I love,” I blurt.
Dad puts down his cutlery and wipes his mouth with the fancy cloth napkins Mom only uses for special occasions. “Don’t misunderstand my concern for disapproval. You’re absolutely right. I don’t want you to have to hide yourself, but I don’t want you to make yourself a target either.”
It cuts deep that he has a point.
“You already did that enough with that Morris boy.”
Zach stiffens beside me.
“Speaking of which, the Vermont game is next week. Is there going to be a repeat of the preseason game?” Dad asks.
“No,” I mumble. At least, I don’t think so.
My gaze finds Zach’s, and he’s slumped in his chair with his head held low.
Maybe there will be a repeat.
I need to know what happened between them.
28
Zach
That was entirely unexpected and impressive.
And awkward.
I’m reeling. Foster came out to his parents and let them know we’re dating all at once. While I’m totally fine he told them, having all that attention directed toward me was the most uncomfortable I’ve felt in a long time.
And then Morris was mentioned.
I exhale heavily as I climb onto the mattress on the floor of Seth’s room.
“Can you believe Foster did that?” he asks.
“It was a big moment,” I agree, tucking my legs under the covers.
“He came out for you. That’s amazing.”
I quickly shake my head. “I know it might seem that way, but that’s not what that was. He’s wanted to come out for … well, years I think, but he’d never really known how to, umm, say it.”
“So it’s just a coincidence that he came out and then told them about you, then?”
Them. The Grants. They’d accepted me since four Thanksgivings ago when Seth first dragged me along. I’d thought it would be the most painfully awkward weekend, but his mom and dad and Foster had been amazing. Even if I hadn’t been able to say a word around any of them.
“We talked about it, but I made it abundantly clear that this weekend wasn’t about that. I was completely fine with him not saying anything.”
“Hmm …” Seth laughs.
“What?”
“I guess I never really believed him when he said he was serious about you—not because of you, nothing like that—but my brother is all about hockey, so he’s never had much time for serious relationships. This …” Seth waves a hand between me and the door as he steps over the mattress and climbs into bed. “Total surprise. Is it weird I’m hopeful you guys grow up and get married so I get to keep my best friend forever?”
I choke on a surprised laugh. “Too soon! That’s, ah, no. Let’s not discuss that.”
“I’ll be your best man, right? I’m claiming that role right now.”
“That’s enough.” My voice goes painfully high pitched, and I shoot a look at the door, expecting Foster to take that moment to barge in.
“Damn, it’s fun to embarrass you.”
“I’m glad you’re so amused.” I reach over and pinch his calf which dulls some of the glee on his face. “Looking at things objectively, I think we can both agree it’s unlikely for this to go much further than the end of the year. Like you said, Foster is hockey. I know nothing about the game, but I can tell by the way people stop to watch him that he’s … amazing. The NHL is his future, and I will never hold him back from that.”
Seth finally sobers up. “I know you won’t.” He scrubs a hand through his hair and loosely links his arms around his bent knees. “If he’s signed, couldn’t you follow him?”
“Logistically, of course. The problem is, starting at another new campus is terrifying, and if I couldn’t obtain a TA position that covered housing, I wouldn’t be able to afford it.”
“If Foster’s earning big bucks in the NHL, he’d pay.”
“I’d never let him. This year was about developing some independence, and I feel like I’m doing that to a degree.”