I slump. “I needed out of there. All of them have groupies with them and Cash has his fiancé.”
“Ah. I can’t imagine a vacation with a bunch of couples would be much fun.”
“I can’t imagine living up here alone is much fun either.”
“I have my family close by. Who do you have?”
No one. That’s who. “You?” I joke.
He laughs into his cup of cocoa. “Only for the next hour before I drop you back where you belong and stay out of the band’s way.”
“You can’t hide forever.”
His eyes narrow. “Do you really think Hollywood will welcome me back with open arms? Look at me. I’m not exactly the epitome of Hollywood glamor anymore.”
“Word has it, the other boys from Eleven are trying to get you all back together.”
He scoffs. “Fuck that. Where were they when my solo career tanked? Where were they when I reached out to them? Do you know Denver hasn’t accepted any of my calls since the last night we were on tour? None of them get to pick and choose when our friendship is convenient for them.”
Okay, maybe I was wrong about there being no drama over the band breaking up. “I’m sure they still care about you. You can’t work with people for as long as you did and not have a special bond. You may drift apart and go your separate ways, but they’ll always be your band. I have clients I used to manage, and each and every one of them are important to me. You should see what Harley and the others have to say.”
The friendliness disappears completely now, and I’m half expecting him to throw me back outside in the cold and tell me to walk barefoot back to the house. “You going to rat me out to them and tell them where I am?”
“After you saved me from hypothermia and death? No, I think I owe you one.”
“Good. Because I’m going to hold you to it.”
“I do think you should come up to the house and catch up with Cash and hang out, though. Come have a Hollywood Christmas and maybe get a taste of your old life. It might make you want to go back.”
He sips his drink and then wipes milk from his thick beard. “I’ll think about it.”
Everything about him has changed, and it’s a mind trip.
I almost don’t want to keep my promise and call Harley Valentine right now because there’s something sad behind Mason’s eyes that worries me. I guess it’s lucky there’s no cell reception here or I’d have one angry ex-boy bander on my hands.
Mason hiding away all this time is scary. Not for him, but for me. Mason’s hiding from what exactly? Heartbreak? Did someone hurt him or is it really over his career? He seems bitter toward the boys from Eleven, and I know for a fact they used to be really good friends.
Mason eyes me over his cocoa mug. “So, how long have you been in love with Seb?”
I choke on my spit. “What?”
“Or is it Cash? I figured he’s been engaged a while now, and you’re still their manager, so my power of deduction says it’s Seb.”
“Why do I have to be in love with anyone?”
“Because I don’t know of any man who’d walk three miles in the freezing cold to get away from happy couples if he wasn’t in love with someone in that house. As far as I know, the only queer guys in the band are Cash and Seb. I mean, I guess you could be in love with a straight guy, but I’m getting an unresolved feelings vibe not an unrequited thing going on.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “I don’t think I like this conversation anymore.”
Mason smiles, and finally, I see the Mason the world knows.
“You did just show your hand though,” I point out.
“How?”
“You’re keeping up to date with Hollywood gossip which means you miss it.”
Mason shakes his head. “Doesn’t mean I belong there. I’m not going back.”
Whatever he’s holding on to, I hope he finds a way to make peace with it.
Is this what happens when you let emotions fester?
I could give Seb everything he wants, but once my feelings are out there, there’s no taking them back. If he’s truly ready for something real, I should be the one he turns to.
I’m not entirely convinced he is ready, but if I keep my mouth shut like I have for the last couple of years, there’s no way in hell he’ll ever see that he could have it. With me.
I don’t care if it ruins my career. I need him to know what’s inside my heart or I might end up right where Mason is.
Bitter. Alone. And living in the middle of nowhere hoping the world will forget me.
I need to figure out how to put myself out there and tell him, but this trip is definitely not the time to do it. Not while he’s here with someone else.