Goal Lines & First Times (CU Hockey 3)

Words like needy and overbearing fill my head again.

It frustrates me that I’m even having this conversation with myself.

“I’m good.” Don’t get involved, Seth. Let it go. Nope, my mouth won’t listen. “It’s only a year. Remember what you said? He’s going to be busy, and so are you. It’ll go quickly.”

“I know.” He stares at his phone but doesn’t take any comfort in my words.

It hurts. Ever since he started dating Foster, the distance between us is growing. I care about him, well, like a brother. I want things to go back to how they used to be, when he’d unleash every thought in his brain at me. Sure, I have other friends I’m close with, but no one like Zach.

“How is your coursework coming?” I ask to draw him out.

“Really good.” A little life comes back to his expression as he pushes his glasses up his nose. “I’m well on track to finish within the year.”

“Well, there you go. You might even get to Montreal before June.” I’m trying to be encouraging even as my gut sinks.

Then I hear something that knocks the conversation aside.

“Order for Richie?”

Zach says something, but I completely miss what as my head snaps up toward the barista.

What are the chances?

I freeze. My heartbeat is in my ears as I lean a little, trying to see the counter, but damn, Cohen is in the way. I can’t see around him from this angle.

“Seth? Did you hear me?”

“Sorry …” I force my attention back to Zach, whose big eyes are magnified to look even bigger by his glasses. “I thought I—what did you say?”

He tugs his bottom lip between his teeth as he toys with the sugar packet in front of him. “I’ve been looking into something … and you’re probably not going to like it.” Zach’s voice trails off.

Okay, so this is important. So important I refuse to look back toward the counter, even though I’m desperate to.

Because it’s very, very possible Richie and I are in the exact same room.

“McGill in Montreal. They have a similar grad program that could take my course credits from here. All I’d have to do is apply for a student visa, and—”

What?

“What?”

“I was completely unprepared for how much I’d miss him.”

“You want to move to Canada?”

“I want to go to be with Foster.”

“He travels a good part of the year. What, you’re going to move there so you can be at home waiting whenever he’s done with his latest game?” My voice is rising, but what the hell? My body has switched over to full-on panic mode. I was supposed to have this year. Me. Not Foster. He gets the rest of their damn lives. I swallow past the lump in my throat and try to calm down. To be rational. I think deep down I sort of expected this, but not so soon.

Don’t make me lose my best friend.

“Zach, have you thought about this logically—”

“I can’t! I’ve been trying, but every thought I have is completely irrational, and all I can concentrate on is the distance between us. I know you don’t understand—”

“Why, because I’m not in a relationship—”

“Because he’s your brother. But I love him. And it’s horrible and painful, and seeing him missing me probably hurts the most. Seth …” He tries to meet my eyes, but I don’t want him to see the hurt in them, so I quickly look away.

I’ve always been there for Zach. But first he has to escape me by running off to CU, and now he’s disappearing to another country?

Deep down I know this isn’t about me, but it’s hard to disconnect the two thoughts. He loves Foster, he wants to be with him. It just makes me feel so alone.

It’s self-doubt talking, but when the hell will anyone ever actually want to be around me? I remind myself that Zach is my best friend. I love him. I love Foster. I want them to be happy, and if I don’t want to lose them, I need to cool it the hell down. “I do get it. It must be really tough, but you like it here, and Montreal is not that far for visits, and—”

“You just don’t want me to leave.”

“Well, I mean obviously. I’d miss you.”

“I know. I’d miss you too, but …” His voice has gone all small and hurt.

“Yeah, I get it.”

“I think I’m going to skip coffee.”

“Zach—”

“It’s fine. I want to go home and think about it some more. It’s … a lot.”

I watch as Zach scrambles to grab his phone and keys and leaves. He pushes past a sea of Mountain Lions jerseys that belong to Foster’s old teammates.

Foster’s best friend, Jacobs, follows him, and Cohen turns, pointing after them.

“He okay?”

I ignore the question and leave the back way.

Zach has half the hockey team chasing after him to make sure he’s okay, and who do I have?