Face Offs & Cheap Shots (CU Hockey 2)

I blink up at him, unsure of what to say because the truth is, I have no clue either.

“And … okay … if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay too.” He flops back down and buries his face in the pillow next to mine. “I’m gonna go die now.”

I laugh. “Topher?”

He doesn’t move.

“Look at me.”

Slowly, he turns his head.

“I don’t know about this stuff either,” I admit. “And I don’t think it’s really important to figure it all out all at once.”

A small frown line crosses Jacobs’s forehead.

“Unless you feel you need to,” I clarify. “You were confused about Grant, and then we happened. It’s safe to say you’re not straight.”

Jacobs laughs.

“But only you can label what you are outside of that.”

“And … you haven’t thought about it? For you, I mean?”

“I have. I just have no idea what I would be called. You’re the only guy I’ve even thought about that way, and it didn’t happen until you kissed me. Maybe I need to go out and kiss a bunch of dudes to work out if it’s a guy thing or a you specifically thing.”

“Don’t you even think about it.”

Huh. My boyfriend growling is kinda hot.

“I’ve been trying to check out the other guys at camp, but … they don’t do anything for me. But, again, they all like me already. Maybe I was attracted to you because I wanted to win you over and make you see I’m not the guy you thought I was. Ooh, hate kink. Maybe I have that.”

Jacobs smiles. “I know you’re cracking jokes to try to make me feel better, but I don’t know if it’s working.”

“What if I let you blow me now? Will that make it better?”

“How magnanimous of you.”

“I’m a generous guy.”

We both laugh, but it dies fast.

“I think I’m gay,” Jacobs blurts.

“Okay. If that’s what you feel you are, then you are, and it doesn’t change anything for me.”

“It’s weird saying it. Doesn’t feel exactly right. Maybe I’m bi? I don’t know. All I know is the girls I’ve been with, it’s been … nice. It’s not hot. It hasn’t been needy. It’s been … nice. That’s the only word I can come up with to describe it. It’s nothing like when I’m with you. I’m wondering if that means something bigger?”

“It … might.” I’m so out of my depth here. I don’t know what’s appropriate to say or not.

“Can you tell me what you really think?” Jacobs asks.

“Isn’t finding the right label something you need to do on your own? I don’t know. I haven’t exactly researched any of this shit. I’ve been putting it in a ‘to do later’ basket. I’m in no rush.”

“It is, but I want your opinion or maybe how you’re trying to analyze it about yourself. I need some direction.”

“You know who would be good at this stuff? Grant. Why don’t you call him?”

“He’s probably freaking out about getting ready for training camp in the NHL. I don’t think he’d want me calling him and distracting him from that.”

I move my tired arms and reach for my phone which is stuck in my pocket. “I’ll do it, then.”

I hit Grant’s number and put it on speaker. It rings over and over again with no sign of him picking up.

“Told you,” Jacobs mutters.

When I’m about to give up, a voice answers that’s definitely not Grant.

“This is Zach.”

“Oh, uh, hi,” I say. I haven’t had much to do with Grant’s boyfriend before.

“Hey, Zach, it’s Topher. And Beck.” Jacobs smiles at me. “But you’re totally allowed to call him Teddy seeing as you hate the last-name game. Where’s Foster? We kinda need to talk to him.”

“Don’t you two hate each other? Did someone die?”

We look at each other and laugh.

“We, uh, have some questions,” I say.

He gasps. “Was I right? It was totally sexual tension between you guys?”

I glance at Jacobs. “Zach’s gay. We could ask him.”

“I’ll put you on speaker. Foster’s getting out of the shower.”

“Ah. That explains why it took so long to answer the phone.” I snicker.

Jacobs elbows me. “Shush, I can practically hear Zach blushing.”

“Uh, u-um, yeah, you might be right about that,” Zach says softly.

“Who’s on the phone?” Grant’s voice sounds far away.

“Your friends. Topher and Teddy.”

“Who the fuck is Teddy?”

I laugh. “It’s Beck.”

There’s no answer for a long time.

“You two are … together? Didn’t camp end? Oh my God, who died?”

“That’s what I asked,” Zach says.

“No one died,” I grumble. “We’re … together. Like, together together, but we’re confused.”

Zach’s voice lowers to a whisper, and I don’t think we’re supposed to hear it. “Are they going to ask how gay sex works because if so, I’m out.”

I crack up. “No, we’ve got the hang of that. Thanks. We’re struggling with labels.” I glance at Jacobs, who’s gone silent.