Line Mates & Study Dates (CU Hockey 4)

And now I’m struggling to remember what was so terrible about it.

Because I’m starting to think this isn’t just sex. There’s friendship between us. Trust. Asher’s vulnerability and the swelling feeling that hits deep in my chest whenever he passes some stupid quiz.

Uh-oh.

No …

Nope.

That … that sounds suspiciously like feelings. Something I promised Asher he’d never have to worry about.

I break the kiss and look down to find him staring up at me, no barriers in place, almost like …

I jerk back off his lap and drop into the couch beside him, giving an awkward laugh. “Guess there’s no point kissing if it’s not going to lead anywhere.” Even if that felt really, really good.

Especially because that felt really good.

Kisses and no sex equals a relationship, and Asher’s made it clear that’s not what he wants. He’s been through a lot today, and he doesn’t need this from me when he’s already feeling vulnerable.

I was doing so well to keep the lines clear. Friendship only. Then studying and sex. That’s it. That’s what we are.

Two very clear, separate parts of our lives.

So why won’t this swirly feeling in my gut get the memo?

Asher blinks at me a few times, and I can’t blame him for being confused when I’m acting weird and jittery. “Right.”

“If West says anything, deny it,” I say. “You’re right. He can’t prove we’re hooking up.”

“Of course.”

I finally look at him properly. “There’s no point worrying Dad when it’s nothing. I’ve already disappointed him more than enough that …”

I don’t know how to finish that thought. The truth is, Dad’s disappointment isn’t something I can control. When it comes to important things, things that are worth standing up for—like being attracted to men, and quitting hockey—I’ll risk disappointing him all day long. I’m not going to be miserable to please him.

And if this thing between me and Asher was bigger than it is, if we were dating, or—fuck—in love, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell him.

There’s just no point in causing us all headaches when it’s only a bit of fun.

“Kole …” His voice cracks.

“I should probably go.” I jump up and hesitate. I can’t help it. All my feet have to do is keep walking, and even though I need my distance, I also need Asher to know I’m not running away from him. These emotions are my problem to deal with. Asher’s had enough for one day.

We were both clear about what this was. I overstepped.

And no matter what, I’m here for him. I want him to know that.

I reach back down and take his hand so he knows I’m sincere, and I can safely say that even with all these confusing emotions, this part comes from pure friendship. “I know today was hard, but I’m glad it happened. That you trusted me and then West. That you finally let go of some of that pain.” And this part might be pushing it a little, but it needs to be said. “And if nothing else, I want you to remember this, not because I said it, but because it’s true. You are never a waste.”

Especially not to me.

Then I flee his room so fast, I wouldn’t be surprised if I left dust clouds behind me.

Because if I stayed for one more second, I’m worried he would have figured out exactly what was going on in my head.

I drive straight to Katey’s share house and walk in without bothering to knock. Her car’s in the driveway, and after quickly checking the kitchen, that only leaves her room. She hates socializing with her roommates, so tends to avoid common areas.

Except when I walk into her room—

“The fuck?”

I slap my hands over my eyes to avoid the naked bodies greeting me.

“Most people knock, sweetie.”

“How many people do you have in your bed right now?”

She laughs, and damn what it would be like to have no shame like her. “Let’s make a deal. You keep your eyes closed while they get out, and you never have to know.”

“Sounds good to me.” And even though my hands are sealed over my eyes, I turn my back on them to be sure. There’s hushed conversation, but eventually I sense people pass me, and the door closes.

“Your eyes are safe.”

I turn back slowly and thankfully find her sitting on the bed in a robe. “I guess I should apologize?”

“We were pretty much done. I’m sure Jessa will finish Liam off.”

“Jessa and Liam? Wait. Your roommates?”

She cocks her head. “Since when are you such a prude?”

“Cut me a break. It’s been a day.”

“What kind of day?”

“Well, I just saw my best friend’s tits—something I never had on my bucket list—and I was already spinning out over these horrible, unwelcome, completely not wanted feelings that I might be having over Asher Dalton.”

Her mouth forms an O. “Yeah, okay.”