Sam's Secret (Icehome)

And if Brad ever shows up, I won't be here.

Steph trots after me, her feet crunching on the sand, Jethani cooing happily. "That's not a good comparison," she protests. "Farli's been hunting since she was in diapers, and she's also twice your size. If something attacks her, it won't eat her. Remember the story Haeden told us about the sky-claw swallowing Josie whole? You're about the same size as her. It's dangerous, Sam. I'm not saying that because I don't want you to go. I'm saying go, but be careful. Just wait for one of the other girls."

I pause, because there's a desperate note in Steph's voice that's getting to me. She's a friend, and she wouldn't push unless she truly felt it was dangerous. Maybe I'm being stubborn. I acknowledge that. But I'm also low on options. "One of the other girls? Daisy? Flor? They don't hunt."

"I'll ask around. I'll find someone to go with you, at least part of the way. All right? So they can see what trails you take and so you're not alone. They don't have to stay at the fruit caves with you because I know you value your privacy, but please don't be headstrong and get hurt." She jogs in front of me, the baby strapped to her chest bouncing a little. "Whatever you're running from will still be there tomorrow."

I flinch. Ouch. Steph is far, far too good at seeing through me. I glance up at the sky. It's gray and unpleasant looking, and I guess I can wait to see if it's clearer tomorrow. "The clouds don't look great. I guess I can wait until tomorrow."

"Yes, tomorrow." Steph gives me a relieved look. "Thank you, Sam. And if no one else will go with you tomorrow, me and Juth will. I promise you we'll stay out of your hair, too."

I give her a faint smile. "You're a good friend, looking out for me."

"I'm always here for you," she says fiercely. "Anything you want to talk about, just know that I'm here."

I nod, and glance around the mostly empty beach. It's not my day to cook and I don't want to do it on my day off. My sewing projects are all completed at the moment and the skins I have curing don't need work for days. I've actually managed all my projects so I could be away for a bit, and now I have free time. Ugh. I hate free time. It's just time I'm stuck in my own head with all the thoughts I'm trying to drown out. "Is Bridget working on pottery today?" I ask. "Maybe I can help with that."

"I think she just fired a batch yesterday, actually. She's making me a bowl."

Oh. I glance at the beach. "Maybe I'll go shrimping then, since I'm drinking everyone's shrimp tea."

She wiggles the baby on her chest. "You could always babysit."

"SO tempting," I tease, and then mock-study my wrist, pretending to look at a non-existent watch. "Look at the time. Gotta go."

Steph just laughs and runs a hand over her daughter's puffy hair. "Fine, fine, but you're missing out."

I probably am. But Jethani is cute as a button, and the last thing I want is to get baby-fever. If I cuddle her, it makes me think about all the things I can't have…so I'll watch her some other time.

Since I drink the tribe's shrimp tea like it's going out of style, it's only fair that I replenish our stores. After I dump all my traveling gear back into my hut, I spend the afternoon in the tide pools, stirring them up and then using my finely woven shrimp net to scoop them out of the water. Some people prefer using baskets to get the shrimp, but I like the heavy drag of the net as I tug it through the water, and the satisfying feel of it when it's laden with shrimp. Plus, Willa and I spent weeks and weeks cutting leather straps fine enough, and then braiding them so the mesh of the net would be small enough to catch the tiny shrimp that have the biggest caffeine burst.

Thinking about Willa makes me feel lonely. I don't begrudge her—or anyone—their families. Willa loves Gren so intensely that it's terrifying, and she's applied that same ferocity to her son Shade. They're trying for another, or so I've heard around camp, which seems a little strange to me since resonance is what makes babies, but I didn't ask. It seemed impolite to press. If she wants more babies, then I hope she has a dozen of them. I just wish…

I wish that the beach was back like it used to be before everyone got mated and had babies. Back when it was a bunch of us single ladies, and the world was full of possibility and excitement. Back when we stayed up all night, talking, and there was always a friend nearby to do chores with. Now those friends have babies and mates, so we still get together, but it's not quite the same.