Does she not like that I have become a snack? Flor says it as if it is a good thing, but I wonder.
Perhaps I am a snack and Sam prefers a full meal. The thought is discouraging.
"So," Flor asks. "Where's Tia?"
I glance down at her as she pulls me along, confused. "Why would I know where Tia is?"
She laughs, patting my arm as she leads me toward the fire, and where everyone is gathered. I set my pack down even as Flor claims a seat by the fire and indicates I should join her. "I don't know, didn't you go back to Croatoan to be with her? Kinda thought you two would be pleasure-mates at this point, impossible to separate. Young love and all that." She flutters her eyelashes at me, and I wonder if something is stuck in her eye.
"Tia is…Tia." I knew they would ask me about her, but the thought makes me sour anyhow. It is true that I returned to Croatoan because she was exiled there. I imagined all the other males visiting the village winning her smiles and her laughter, and it made me insanely jealous. So I returned, and when I did, I found that Tia was the same as she ever was. She was kind enough, but she saved her true flirting for I'rec and R'jaal. She told me I was just a boy. That soured my affection for her.
It soured even further when I'rec and R'jaal returned to Icehome and she suddenly decided to flirt with me once more. That even though I was a “boy” in her eyes, I was worthy because there was no one else to flirt with.
I said harsh things to her, and we have not been friends since. I do not miss her, and I feel foolish that I wasted so much time chasing after her, just because she was my age. Tia might be the same age as me, but we are not the same. "Tia is like a sister to me," I tell Flor. A sister that I do not get along with, perhaps, but a sister nevertheless.
I continue to rub my chest, watching as others gather around. Gail, Vaza's mate, presses a kiss to my forehead and then bustles toward the fire. "It's so good to see your faces," she says, beaming. "Let me cook you up something to eat. I bet you're all starving."
I glance at my brother. He is hovering protectively over Li-lah, and while there is a smile on his face, I can tell he does not like all the voices. Li-lah was without her hearing for a very long time and the happy chaos will bother her. It makes Rokan on edge, even as Lila gives a strained smile and hands Lo-lo over to Day-see, who squeals with delight over the chubby kit.
Are you well? I sign to Li-lah. Your mate will take you away. Just ask.
I am good, she signs back, smiling. They are just excited. She puts a hand over Rokan's, where he grips her shoulder, as if silently reassuring him. My brother has an easy spirit, but the moment his mate is involved, he becomes more protective than a snow-cat in a den.
I rub my chest again, thinking. My khui is yet silent. It is not Flor, then. It is not Day-see. Perhaps Rokan's seeing was wrong?
A small hand taps my knee as I sit by the fire, and I look over to see Z'hren. He immediately raises all four arms in the air, wanting to be picked up. "Sah-sah."
I laugh, swinging him into my arms. "You know how to say my name, Z'hren. You are old enough."
"Sah-sah," he teases, calling me by the name of the fermented drink. Then he giggles, amused at his own joke. I mock-growl and tickle him, his arms flailing with delight.
Gail laughs, shaking her head as she stirs the pouch over the fire. "He's been asking about you for weeks. Wanted to go to Croatoan and see Sah-sah. I told him we'd have to wait until he's older, but this should make him happy."
I give Z'hren a hug. Growing up, Farli and Taushen were several turns of the seasons older than me, and everyone else was younger. Perhaps that is why the kits love me. I am good at their games. I tickle the wiggling kit again, until he screams with laughter. "You are big enough to hunt now. Does your father take you?"
Z'hren nods, eyes wide. "I made a trap!"
"You did? Excellent!"
"Yesterday," Z'hren says, his expression proud.
"Not yesterday," Gail corrects. "It was three days ago."
"Yesterday," Z'hren says stubbornly, and his mother just rolls her eyes. Z'hren puts two arms out, gesturing. "A big one."
I make my eyes go wide, playing along. "What did you catch?"
As Z'hren tells me all about an absolutely enormous two-fang that was not all that big after all (judging by his mother's gestures), I pay attention to those in the camp around me. Day-see continues to gush over Li-lah and the kits. Flor has moved to R'jaal's side and says something to him in a low voice. There is no sign of Sam, and my khui is as quiet as ever. Yet that strange feeling persists. The sensation of being knocked off my feet and not entirely settled.