That safety makes me a little bolder. Hesitant, I turn on my side and carefully, slowly put a hand on his chest. I could swear that Sessah stops breathing. He remains completely still, as if not daring to make a sound. He never takes his eyes off of me, either. I run my fingertips over his skin, past the plating that covers his heart and khui, and trace the edges of his pectoral. Touching him makes my khui sing louder, and hot excitement rushes through me. "I'm older than you," I whisper, feeling the need to point it out. "By around five years or so."
He chuckles, and I feel the sound underneath my fingertips. "So?"
"So that doesn't bother you?" He's young and I feel…ancient sometimes. Tired and old and just beat down by it all.
"Over five years, as you call them? Five turns of the seasons? It is but a blink." Sessah grins. "Do you know that Kemli is twenty-seven turns of the season older than her mate Borran? And they are happy."
Twenty-seven years older? Holy shit. I can't imagine. I'd really feel like a cradle robber if we had that kind of difference between us…and yet the sa-khui are very long-lived. Maybe to them, a middle-aged woman is still a young woman, and if she mates with a guy Sessah's age, it's all fine? In the light of that, I guess five years isn't much of a difference.
"Are you looking for reasons as to why our khuis should not have sung to one another?" he asks, and then leans in, as if confiding a secret. "Because I do not think they are listening to us."
I chuckle at that. No, our khuis are definitely not listening. If mine had listened to me, I wouldn't have resonated to anyone…and Sessah would be having this moment with someone else. For some reason, that makes me ache inside. "Would you change anything?"
"What do you mean?"
I shrug, feeling stupidly shy for some reason. I know his answer. I guess I just want to hear it.
When I don't speak up, he puts his hand over mine, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand. "Would I change who I resonated to?" He appears to consider it for a moment. "I am happy with resonance, Sam. I trust in my khui to pick the perfect mate for me. So I cannot answer that. If you are asking if I wish it was Tia, no. We have not been friends for a very long time. I look at her as I would a sister." He pauses. "A very annoying younger sister."
I smile.
Sessah runs his thumb over my skin in soft, teasing circles. I could swear his heart speeds up under my hand, or maybe it's just my own pulse getting out of control. "If you are asking if I would prefer to mate Flor, the answer is no. We are good friends, she and I, but I feel nothing when I look at her." He pauses. "She is as a less annoying older sister."
This time, I giggle.
He pretends to study me, but I feel his heart quickening. "If you are asking if I am sad it is not Day-see that my khui has chosen, the answer is again, no. Day-see has a good heart, but she is too soft for me. I like a female that hunts and knows how to take care of herself."
Me. He means me. Of course he means me. "And if we hadn't resonated, would you be interested in me? Or is that simply the resonance talking?"
"If we had not resonated, I would gaze at you longingly from afar and be too shy to ever tell you of my hungers." He gives me a rueful look. "Just as it has been for the last three turns of the season."
I'm surprised at that. "Are you saying you had a crush on me before?"
"I do not know this 'crush' word, but if you are asking if I have stroked my cock to thoughts of you before we resonated, the answer is yes." He says it boldly, without shame, and all the while, his thumb glides over my skin. "You are an attractive, unmated female. You are clever and brave and you have a laugh that fills me with joy and longing. So yes, I have touched myself to you." He considers for a moment. "To Tia, long ago, too. But not to the others. Do you think that influenced my khui?"
"Does it even matter at this point?" Maybe I should be annoyed, but his confession just makes me kind of happy. I'm not the type to be jealous of the other women on the beach. I know Daisy is beautiful and Flor is vibrant and funny. But hearing he hasn't been aroused by them makes me feel warm inside, like I've won a prize I didn't even realize I wanted. If it were anyone else telling me he wasn't interested in them, I'd call him a liar. Sessah is utterly sincere and heartfelt in everything, though.