Sam's Secret (Icehome)

And wince. The male's face is slack with death, his eyes open, his jaw hanging. The smell of shit and piss is under the furs, and the scent of blood is overwhelming. It is everywhere, his fur gummed up with it, and between tufts of fur I can make out the terrible wounds in his neck. There is a glint of shiny metal in there, and I realize Sam pushed the knife so far in that his body has swallowed it. I touch it and notice there is more blood pooled underneath him, the fur stuck to his limbs.

My sweet mate did…this? She must have been so frightened. I reach out and try to close Kva-saht's hanging mouth, only to find that he has been dead long enough that stiffness is set in. Sam gnaws on her upper lip as I glance up at her.

"I'm a terrible person, aren't I? You can tell me." She looks ready to burst into tears again.

I get to my feet, ignoring the way my head swims and blackness creeps at the edges of my vision. Sam is more important than anything right now. "You did what you had to, Sam. I am not upset. I am only sad that you had to take such drastic action. I should have protected you."

She shakes her head, her lip wobbling. "He hurt you. I just didn't want him to hurt you again."

And while I slept, she killed a male and scrubbed the floors of his blood because she is ashamed of her actions. "You have done an amazing job," I say as I take her small hand in mine…and encounter bandages. Frowning, I lift her hand and turn it over in my grip. The strips of leather are soaked with blood, and when I gently unwrap one, I see the torn flesh underneath. "Sam, what did you do?"

"I…couldn't stop stabbing him," she says in a low, hushed voice. "I wanted to make sure he was dead. His knife busted up my hands, though." She manages a small smile. "It's fine. I'll heal fast."

"It is not fine. You have already done so much." I gently wrap her hand once more, careful to avoid touching her wounds. "I will take care of the dead. You direct me. I will handle the rest."

"But you're hurt—"

"We are both hurt," I say, desperately wanting to caress her cheek, but I just touched the dead male. I will touch her everywhere later, I decide. I will make her feel good. I hate the scratches on her face, hate the bruises on her throat. It will give me great pleasure to shove Kva-saht into the ground and remove him from our lives. "Let me take care of you."

"Okay," she breathes.

"Where should I take him?" I ask. "Out? Or do you want to burn him?"

"In here?" She blanches. "No. We'll never get the scent out of our noses. Can we carry him out of the cave? Part of me wants to leave him out in the open for scavengers, but that feels wrong." Sam sighs up at me. "He's still a person, you know? He deserves to be buried like a person even if he was horrible."

I understand how she thinks, and it shows she has a gentle spirit despite things. Brad—and now Kva-saht—cannot change her with their cruel ways. She will always be good and kind at heart. "We will do what you feel is right, no matter how difficult. What is a good burial to you?"

She thinks for a moment, leaning against my chest, and I pull her against me, stroking her hair. After a few breaths in which she sags against me, she speaks again. "Let's put him back in his pod and forget it ever existed."

I like the way she thinks, but there is a small problem. "The pod was heavy. We could not move it, remember?"

"Shit." Sam trembles against me. "If we hide the body and there's a pod laying out in the open, someone's going to ask questions. We have to get rid of both, Ses. I don't want the others to even know he existed."

"You will not tell them anything?"

Sam leans back, looking me in the eye. "Tell them? God no. What am I going to say, that Niri or someone else is dropping murderous cat-people on our nice safe planet? What if it's a one-off and something like this never happens again? They're better off not knowing." She shakes her head and returns to my embrace. "I want them to feel safe and unafraid, like I did when I first got here. Before Daisy arrived."

My heart aches for her. She wants my people to have that joy, because it was robbed from her. She will keep this as a secret, because Sam is good with secrets. She is good with hiding her true thoughts. "Just as long as you keep nothing from me, my mate."