White Nights (White Nights 1)

“It was a while ago,” he says softly. “Before I met you.”

“How long?”

He blows out an impatient sigh. “What does it matter? She means nothing to me.”

“How long?”

“A couple of weeks,” he admits with strained reluctance.

The week before he took me to bed. Why does that even shock me? Why did I expect anything different? I have no right to be upset over this, but I can’t help the painful way my chest constricts. He doesn’t date. He’s free to have dinner with whomever he wants whenever he wants, but I don’t want to be one of his fucks squeezed into his busy schedule between his Monday and Thursday lays. I want to be more than that, more special, and when we were together, he’d made me believe I was. It wouldn’t hurt so much now if he’d been honest with me, but the words he spoke last night come back to lash me like a whip.

Only the special ones.

“Katyusha, talk to me.”

“Did you book out Romanoff’s for her?”

His Russian accent is thick with frustration. “Katerina.”

“Did you?”

Another hesitation.

Oh my God.

“She’s the daughter of a business associate,” he says carefully. “It was her birthday.”

“You don’t have to explain. I only wanted a simple yes or no answer.”

“It’s not as simple as that,” he all but growls.

No, it seems not. With him, nothing is simple. I’ve always had my head screwed on straight, but I’m not experienced in his kind of life. I don’t know how to deal with his nuances and shades of truth.

“What do you want?” he asks, irritability slipping into his tone. “Flowers? Chocolates? Hearts and cupids? You think that will make what we share more special, more meaningful? I don’t say things I don’t mean. You are special, more than Dania.”

Ugh. Great. Now I know her name. “Stop it, Alex.”

“What do you want me to say? Tell me, and I’ll say it.”

“How kind of you,” I say, hiding my hurt with sarcasm.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. I want to see you again, and I know you want to see me too. Don’t fight it. Don’t fight us. Just let me make it good for you. Come over. Yuri can be at your place in ten minutes. Stay over. I’ll forever regret not exploring this chemistry with you if you say no.”

But his exploration may happen at the cost of breaking my heart. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“You’re not into dating, and I’m not into casual sex. I’d rather end this now before…” One of us really gets hurt, that someone being me.

“Katyusha, listen.”

I don’t. I’m not the kind of person who hangs up on others, but we’re talking in circles. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, ending the call.

13

After crying myself to sleep, I wake up groggy and with a blotchy, puffy face. No matter how many times I tell myself it’s for the best, I don’t feel better. Whenever I think about Alex, I want to cry all over again. It’s ridiculous. I didn’t cry this much about Tony, and we’d been together for months.

I rush through my morning routine since I have an early shift starting at six, and when I fling open my door to leave, I stop in my tracks. A huge bouquet of pink roses wrapped in cellophane and tied with a white ribbon sits on my doorstep. There must be at least two dozen. The blooms are gorgeous, their petals wide open.

Unable to resist, I pick up the heavy arrangement and inhale the sweet fragrance of the flowers. There’s no card, but I know who sent them. It’s the man who asked me if I wanted flowers and chocolates. I do love flowers, it’s true. I’ve always thought them romantic. Still, I’d rather have honesty and a steady relationship.

Instead of taking the flowers inside, I bring them with me. To my surprise, Yuri is waiting downstairs.

“Oh no,” I say as I approach him. “I told Alex I don’t want anything from him any longer.” Well, not exactly in those words, but that’s what I implied when I said our fling was over.

He shrugs and opens the back door. “Just following orders, ma’am.”

“Kate.”

“Kate.” He even attempts another smile.

“We can’t keep on doing this, Yuri.”

The smile drops from his face. “You’ll have to take it up with Mr. Volkov.”

“How did you even know when my shift starts?”

He gives me a blank look. “I’m afraid you’ll have to take that up with Mr. Volkov as well.”

With a sigh, I get inside. Yuri is here now anyway. I’m not going to send him away and waste his time, but I’ll have to be firmer with Alex.

Placing the flowers on the back seat next to me, I send Alex a text message, asking him to please stop sending Yuri to drive me around. It’s rude not to thank him for the flowers, but I don’t want to encourage him, so I say nothing about the pretty roses lying next to me.