“Olivia, please…”
She looked away from him, back at the top of the wall, and then began to climb again. Another couple of steps and she clamped one hand over the top, then the other, and soon afterward she’d pulled herself up and was sitting astride the wall, her feet dangling either side. Olivia peered down at him, her bright hair silhouetted against the gray sky.
“Go away, Nic,” she called breathlessly. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“What does she mean, you lied?” Lady Lacey interrupted.
“Not now, Mother.”
“If you won’t tell me, Dominic, then go up and get her down.”
Nic hadn’t climbed since he fell and broke his leg—he hadn’t wanted to. Now he looked up, gauging the distance and the hand holds of the route he had once known so well he could have climbed it in his sleep.
The memory of the agony when he’d broken his leg was still sharp, and it was difficult to gather any enthusiasm for what he knew he must do. But this was Olivia, his wife, and he loved her. He didn’t want to lose her. Climbing up to be with her was probably the only possibility at this point, and he knew he had to do it.
Nic stripped off his jacket and handed it to his mother. She didn’t try and dissuade him, but he could see she was worried. Just before he stepped up to the wall, she caught his arm and forced him to look around at her. Her dark eyes searched his.
“Take care, Dominic,” she said.
Nic smiled, and then she let him go and he moved to the wall.
His heart was pounding. His hands were sweating. He took a deep breath and, reaching up, began to climb. At first he felt clumsy and out of tune with his body. His leg ached, and at one point his foot slipped, so that he almost did fall. It took him a moment to find his courage again, and to still the thudding of his heart.
As he climbed farther the old rhythm began to come back to him, while as if by magic his hands went to the correct holds, and his feet slid into the gaps. A feeling of elation came over Nic as he realized that despite his lame leg he was still more than capable of achieving the top. Perhaps he wasn’t a cripple after all.
Before he knew it, he was lifting his head and there was Olivia’s solemn face, just above and to the right of him, gazing down into his.
“You were right, the view is wonderful,” she said evenly. “Worth the climb.”
She spoke as if he was a stranger, and a not very interesting one. If he’d felt as if he was in a hopeless situation before, then it was worse now. His chest constricted with loss and misery, but he knew he still had to try.
Nic dragged himself onto the top of the wall beside her and swung his leg over the uneven stones, settling himself nearby. His estate lay all around him, the woods and the park and the garden, the gatehouse, and the castle. He could hear his father’s voice in his head, telling him what his future held and what sort of man he needed to be to make a good master.
“The land is what counts. The land is what makes us what we are. We must care for the land and all those who live upon it, under our authority, just as we have for hundreds and hundreds of years.”
He spoke aloud, remembering. As a boy he’d found the thought of such responsibility daunting, but his father had assured him that with time, and training, his position would become natural to him.
“My father told me that I could mold myself into the kind of man needed to take charge of the Lacey estate. I was his son and he expected great things from me. I idolized him.”
He tipped back his head and looked at the sky, feeling the sting of the wind against his face. It looked like it was going to rain, but as much as he wanted to urge Olivia to climb down with him, he had to tell her the truth. It was his only hope for the future he wanted.
Chapter 34
The woman came to the door carrying the baby in her arms and demanding entry. Nic’s mother was visiting friends, and only he and his father were there to receive her. Until that moment Nic had no idea that he was about to have the solid foundation of his world rocked beyond repair.
“My father took her into the library. I could hear them talking, and then she was crying. He was comforting her. After a time I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I went in to see what was happening.
“He was holding her in his arms. Gently, tenderly, like a lover. When he saw me he didn’t let her go. He held her tighter, cradling her face to his shoulder, and stared at me over her head, as if defying me to stop him.”
The memory was very clear, even now, and just as painful. “He arranged for the woman and the child to be looked after and sent them off with Abbot. I didn’t know what he said, but later on I found out he’d told Abbot the child was mine, and the woman was someone I’d seduced. I suppose it was safer that way, as far as he was concerned.”
“Oh, Nic…”
“No. Let me finish. I need to finish, Olivia.”
He felt her hand, soft and warm, close over his.
He felt her strength and her love, and he bowed his head.