“What did you think was going to happen? We graduate in less than two months. You’re going to California. I’ll be in law school. Let’s just get this over with now and you can finish out the semester taking the moral high road. Deal?” His voice was cool.
I couldn’t hear him talk anymore. Through a blurry haze, I ran out of his room and passed Russ. I didn’t care if he saw my tears. I wasn’t going to be back.
“London, slow down. I can’t understand you. Here, blow your nose or something.” Nina handed me a tissue as I buried my face in my pillow. “Do you want me to call your mom?”
“No!” I sniffed. “I’m fine. I just need a minute.”
“You’re not fine. Your face is all puffy and red and you’re crying—clear signs you’re not fine. You’ve been in here for three days. What happened?”
It didn’t make sense what had happened. I wanted a way to undo what Beau said on Sunday, and undo my stupid idea to show up at his apartment. Was he thinking about this all along? Was he thinking about this Saturday night on the football field or during spring break? Because I’m moving, he thinks we’re destined to break up? The tears welled again and I sunk into the covers.
“Ok. If you don’t tell me what happened, I’m calling your parents. You are really freaking me out. You missed class yesterday; you never miss class.” Nina was sitting at the end of the bed with a concerned look, cell phone in hand. “Three days is long enough to scare me. You can’t exist on Saltine crackers and soda. You’re definitely missing some food groups. This—whatever it is—isn’t good for you.”
It didn’t matter anymore. The secret wasn’t even a secret. “Beau and I broke up.”
“What? You mean fake broke up? Is it some kind of twist in the project?” Nina was visibly confused.
I reached for another tissue. “No. It was a real breakup. We’ve been together this whole time.”
“What?” Nina screeched into my room.
“I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t because of the project and I agreed to keep it a secret. I don’t know what I’ve done. What d
id I do?”
“Hold on. You have been secretly and publicly dating Beau Anderson all semester, and I’m just now finding out?” She looked hurt.
“I’m sorry, Nina. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but I didn’t want to include anyone else in the charade. It’s bad enough we lied to everyone—Professor Garcia, the class, everybody.”
I watched as my friend scanned her memory bank. “You didn’t go see your grandparents during spring break, did you?”
“No. I have grandparent guilt too.” I made a mental note to schedule a visit with them soon.
“Wow. You’re more adventurous than I thought.” Nina sounded impressed.
“You aren’t mad at me?”
“If I could date someone who looked at me the way he looked at you, I would do it in a second. I’m not mad.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve known all along there was something going on between you two. It was sort of obvious that night I walked in on you when you were supposed to be watching Love Match. Beau looked at you like you were the only girl in the world. It was sweet. He was obviously crazy about you.” She smiled.
I sighed, thinking about what he said to me in his room. “He’s not crazy about me anymore.” I hadn’t heard from him since I left, running teary-eyed from his apartment.
“What happened between you?”
“It’s such a mess. I screwed the whole thing up with my moral high road, as he called it. Professor Garcia wants our research to present at a conference. I told him I didn’t think we could give her research that was a lie. So, he said we should tell her the truth, but I totally freaked out. Then, he gave me the only other option that exists—give her real research and call off the relationship. We can just go back to being group partners.”
“What? He said that? Who does he think he is? That’s just stupid.” It made me feel better seeing Nina get all worked up over Beau. “You’re in an impossible situation.”
“He’s not completely wrong. I am leaving in two months. This was bound to end at some point. He took care of it before I was ready to.”
“Are you hearing yourself? You’re actually defending him. Defending the guy who just broke your heart.”
“But, Nina, do you know what else he said? He told me it was worth risking everything to be with me. And what did I do? Ignored him—totally ignored those words, as if he didn’t tell me how he was feeling. How could I do that to him? I would break up with me too.” I could feel the tears running down my face.
“Awww, he really is sweet. He said that?”