Sometimes I thought it was what made him a good king. Sometimes I thought it made him a selfish bastard.
Who was I to say? I’d been that selfish bastard for a long time. I wasn’t a good brother. I hadn’t been for years. I fell into a dark pit that had swallowed me whole.
I shifted on the couch to remove my jacket. I checked the pocket for the letter before throwing it over the back of the sofa.
“I’m going to find that messenger. I’ll be right back,” she announced.
Kenley walked out of the room. Her heels clacking on the floor.
I reached for the letter. I had read it so many times, I’d practically memorized every line. Every cruel word. Cruel as it was, it was what I had needed to crawl out of the darkness.
4
Kenley
I nodded at the security guards along the corridor. They were almost as still as the suits of armor planted against the walls.
I looked forward. Ayla was headed in my direction. She grinned. “Busy day at the palace, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Extremely now that His Royal Highness is in residence again.”
“Like old times?” she asked. “How is he?”
I pressed my lips together, pinched her elbow, and pulled her into an empty study. I needed to borrow it for a few minutes, and no one ever used these extra rooms.
“What’s going on?” She looked startled.
“It’s not like old times.” I sighed. “I don’t know what old times are exactly.”
I was quickly coming unraveled.
“He’s home. He’s safe. He’s healthy,” she whispered. “Today’s focus.” She eyed me.
I nodded. “Right. Today’s focus.”
“The rest takes time,” she reminded me.
I shook my head. “I shouldn’t feel anything when I look at him,” I confessed. “It should be no different than when you serve the queen. But it’s not.”
I saw the pity in Ayla’s eyes. “You need more time. And patience.”
I covered my face with my hands. “If I could take something to make this stop I would. I’d drink anything. I’d try hypnosis. I can’t function. I can’t sleep. How can I do my job like this?”
She placed her hands on my shoulders lightly. “I don’t know anyone who holds this position with more honor than you. Your duty to your country will come first. It always has. You can do this.”
My eyes flashed to hers. “You make it sound simple. Like I’m in the Royal Navy.”
“The Royal Navy has nothing on you.” She winked.
I patted a tear at the corner of my eye, trying to find the humor in the situation. “Thanks.”
“You could always ask Sutcliffe for a transfer,” Ayla suggested.
“Absolutely not. No. You’re right. This is my duty. I took an oath to serve the crown. And I have to be able to put him first.” I straightened my shoulders. “I can do that. I’ve gone this long. What’s a little longer?”
She stepped back. “I’m sorry it’s so difficult.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. I have to return the dinner invitation to the queen.”