I paced at the foot of the bed, watching her sleep under the moonlight. I knew why I had taken her the way I had. I wanted that damn condom to pop off. The harder I pumped inside her, the rougher I was. I wanted to bury myself so far inside her she’d forget any men before me and never want another one. I wanted to fill those gorgeous hips with my seed.
I couldn’t. I was leaving again. Maybe I had fixed everything on the property, but the minute I did something stupid like that, my promise to Elliot was broken.
I couldn’t leave her alone and pregnant. I shook my head. Maybe when the next mission was over, I could come back to her. We could have what I always wanted. What I needed. But not now.
There was no end in sight. There was no time table that would give her what she wanted.
I watched her sleep. She had already been through so much. I knew she was doing everything she could to keep it together. She didn’t deserve any of what happened to her.
It was my job to protect her and give her everything she needed, but I had made another promise. A promise I hadn’t fulfilled yet. My knuckles were white. My jaw clenched.
She sighed and rolled over. My heart stirred.
I didn’t know how many hours passed like that, but I watched her sleep, feeling the need to protect her. To keep her safe. To guard her heart from all the hurt in the world. The problem was I knew I was the biggest hurt of all.
“Good morning.” Olivia smiled, pulling the sheet to her breasts.
“Hey.” I grinned. I had gotten dressed and returned to the apartment with two cups of coffee.
I placed one next to her on the nightstand.
This conversation wasn’t going to be easy. I pulled my shoulders back and focused on the mission. I knew it would be the hardest fucking thing I’d ever done.
“Thanks.” She sat forward.
God, did she know how beautiful she was? I wanted to take her back under the sheets and finish what I started last night, but I couldn’t. The call had come last night when she was asleep.
Her eyes landed on my bag next to the door.
“What’s that?”
I sat on the edge of the bed. “I have to leave.”
“Leave? Now? What? No. No.”
“My team has been reassembled. I pick up my orders at thirteen hundred, which means I’ve got to get on the road.”
Her eyes shot to mine. I could see the tears welling in the corners, but she looked away before they spilled off her lashes.
“I know I said I’d finish everything on your list, but…”
“You think I care about the list right now?” She looked hurt.
I shook my head. “Liv, I’ve got to go.” I rose from the bed.
“You’re just going to leave? After…after last night? After I…” Her hurt had quickly transformed to anger.
I knew it was shitty. We had given each other our bodies so deeply our souls touched. It was hungry and primal, but it was what we needed to feed each other. To share the connection we had both been fighting for weeks. No woman would give herself like that to me again, and I knew it.
I hung my head. What could I say to her? I couldn’t make promises. I knew what she wanted to hear. That I’d be back. I’d call. I’d write. Something. But I couldn’t guarantee any of those things.
It would only make things worse if I gave her hope. I had to cut that off now.
Tonight, I would be back in Kiawai and I couldn’t guarantee there would be a tomorrow. If I made promises I couldn’t keep it would hurt her far worse than if I just walked out the door.
“Jake?” She stood from the bed, dragging the sheet with her as she walked across the floor.
“You knew I was a Ranger, Liv.?