I wasn’t exactly sure how welcome I would be after how we left things on Saturday. It was easy to see that the heat was still there for the both of us, but then she had put on the breaks.
I worried I might have moved to fast too soon. I really hoped I didn’t ruin everything.
“Last patient’s yours,” Dad said taking off his white coat and hanging it on the hook.
"Do you have plans or something tonight?” I asked surprised to see Dad ducking out so early.
“Not really, just handing over the rains like you asked. Figured you could do the last of the paperwork for the night.”
“Yeah and maybe start moving it off of the desk,” I mumbled under my breath.
“Hey, Dad, “ I called before he left the office. “Did you know? I mean you had to of known, so why didn’t you tell me?”
I hadn’t said anything to him about going to visit Julie, having her in the office, or the fact that I now knew Emma was my daughter. I had a feeling he knew all along.
“Of course I knew. Why do you think I had you see Emma on Friday?”
“So, why the hell didn’t you tell me?” I said throwing down a folder on the desk.
“It’s not like she ever came out and said it. I may be losing my memory, but I’m not an idiot. I was pretty sure when she was pregnant, and after the little girl was born…she looks just like your mom,” he added softly.
Talking about Mom was a taboo subject. Now that he said it, I too could see a lot of my mom in Emma.
“You still should have told me,” I said partly understanding now why he never brought it up.
He shrugged and shuffled towards the door.
“You left, and you didn’t care about anything you left behind. If Julie didn’t say anything to you, it wasn’t my place to do so,” he surrendered before leaving the office altogether.
I paced the room a few times. I was ready for my anger not to fly off the handle anymore. Part of me wondered if I would ever get control of it. Learning things like my dad knowing all along that I had a kid and choosing not to tell me really didn’t help.
I had to get control however so that I could see this last patient with a clear head. Taking a deep breath, I walked out of the office and into the small room without a second glance.
I was halted in my tracks to find Julie pacing the room as she wrung her hands. She stopped at my entrance and looked at me nervously.
“You're here,” I said surprised.
“Yeah,” she said.
I could tell she was still nervous by the way she was twirling a lock of auburn hair in her hands. She was wearing leggings and a tight tank top like she had just finished a workout. It wasn’t leaving anything to the imagination.
“Is Emma okay,” I asked wondering why she was here alone.
“Yeah,” she said again before giving a soft laugh at her monosyllable answers. “Savannah is watching her right now. So I could come here.”
“Come here?” I asked leaning on the door and crossing my arms. I wanted to take her in my arms again, but my logical side was saying give her space.
“What for?”
“I’ve been thinking it over. I will be okay if you want to come around and see Em. And if you feel it is right, you can tell her you're her dad.”
Julie let out a long breath like she had been dreading saying these words.
“You just have to promise me you won't up and walk out again. No matter what, once you're in, you're in for good,” Julie pointed a scolding finger at me in a motherly fashion.
I couldn’t help but crack a little smile at her action.
“I mean it, Hawk," she said smiling herself as she put down her hand.