Hendrix (Caldwell Brothers)

We finally left shortly after midnight, but I lied and told them it was after one. They were so messed up it didn’t matter—they would never know. We got to my car, got in, I turned the key over, and … nothing. I tried again, gave it a little gas, still nothing.

They laughed, and I cried. When they tried to assure me it was no big deal, I agreed, knowing full well it was since I couldn’t afford to fix it.

The next morning—the start to my new year—I walked to where my car was parked a mile away while freezing my buns off. The entire way, I said a little prayer. Please Lord, let my problems disappear just for one day. I truly wanted to get it back to my place, park it in the lot across from my apartment building—the lot I paid way too much money for the privilege to park in—and let it sit until I could figure out where to scrimp and save.

When I arrived at my destination, I stood there, looking at an empty spot, and glancing up at the sky, I laughed.

“Thank you, Lord, but this isn’t what I meant when I used the word disappear.”

Eventually, I found my car. She had been towed and impounded. I had to come up with three hundred dollars and then more money for a tow just to get her back here to sit in the parking lot across the street.

I walked to work the next couple days, waiting for my paycheck so I could spring my car.

Toni, never one to hold back, asked me why I was walking in the freezing cold. When I told her about the car, she was not happy with me for not asking for a ride.

“It’s not a big deal. I knew it was coming.” I laughed, trying not to show just how stressed I am as I unwrapped the first of three scarves I had on and began to un-thaw from the heat of our office.

“It is a big deal. It’s Detroit in January.” She stood up then stomped out of the office.

I sat in my chair and pulled off my boots slowly. My feet were so cold they actually hurt. I grabbed my bag and pulled out a pair of thick, wool boot socks and pulled them on over my dress socks. Then, I swiveled my chair and stuck my feet on the baseboard heater.

Toni walked in with a big cup of coffee and Tabby right behind her. “Livi, you’re so damn stubborn!”

“Good morning, Tabby.” I smiled as Toni handed me the cup of coffee. “Thanks, Toni.”

“This isn’t funny.” Tabby sat on the edge of my desk in her smiley face scrubs, and I couldn’t help smiling. “Liv—”

“I honestly can’t keep a straight face when I’m looking at those.” And I couldn’t.

“They’re for the kids, just like the mustache ones and the Hello Kitty—”

“Don’t even say the Hello Kitty ones are for the kids.” Toni air quoted when she said kids. “That damn white-ass pussy is for you, Tabby cat.”

“Okay, Toni the tiger.” Tabby rolled her eyes. “Fine, I like the white kitty. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.”

“Look, I’m going to find a part time job, but right now, I can walk.”

“Where you gonna find a job when you’re here all the time?”

“I’m not here all the time,” I said as I pull my thawed feet away from the heater and then swirled around in my chair to face them both. “Look, I don’t have kids, a boyfriend, a—”

“Life,” Tabby reminded me.

“I went out the other night,” I retorted. I wanted to add, You know, the night my car broke down, but I didn’t.

“You hadn’t been out in six months before that.” Toni looked up over her leopard-spotted frames, glasses I could almost guarantee were more for the statement than the optical aid.

“I don’t like to go out. It’s a waste of money.” I also don’t like going out because I am far from comfortable in my own skin. How could anyone be after everything I have been through?

No more wallowing allowed. My New Year’s Resolution is about becoming. Becoming comfortable in my own skin, becoming the woman I am meant to be without the past holding me back, and becoming confident in myself.

“I won’t rag on you about the second job if you agree to go with me to a fundraiser event on Valentine’s Day.”

“Valentine’s Day?” I asked. “What about Shawn?”

“He has to work the night shift, so I’ll be all alone.”

We both turned our attention to Toni, who shook her head. “Oh, no. I have a date. No girl’s night thing for me. I gave up getting laid on New Year’s Eve. Valentine’s Day is for lovers, ladies, and I’m gonna get some loving.”

Tabby and I laughed at Toni, although not because we thought she was full of it. In fact, we knew she wasn’t.