“Talk to me,” he whispers.
“I’ve had a couple of rough days. That’s all.”
“Not what I’m here for,” he says, and in those five words, I am completely confused.
“I know,” I say, just wanting a reprieve from being upset. I need his touch. I need his embrace. I need his comfort.
“You wanna come to the bar? I have Morrison covering for me. Needed to make sure we were okay.”
“We’re okay. I’m gonna stay in.”
“Okay.” He steps back then leans in and kisses me. “I miss you, Livi.”
I force myself to smile and nod.
“See you in a few hours. Jagger and Morrison have been holed up in a hotel. You don’t mind if they come hang out?”
“Why are they at a hotel?”
He shrugs. “Told them we needed space, but with our schedules, we haven’t had much time or opportunity to utilize that space, now have we?”
I shake my head.
He leans in and gives me another kiss then smiles and shakes his head. “That communal property, that’s a ‘you and me’ thing still, right?”
I nod and swallow hard.
“You still bleeding?”
I shake my head.
“Good, I need a taste, Livi.” He smirks. “I’m gonna have to wake you up tonight, so why don’t you get some sleep now?” With that, he winks, turns, and then walks out the door.
I look around and think about what he said.
Not what I’m here for.
Confusion sets in, but I am once again exhausted. Going to bed, I fall asleep faster than I expected.
I wake later to the bed dipping and his arms pulling me close.
“Livi?”
I don’t answer.
“Babe?”
I can’t do this tonight, not when I am trying to prepare myself for what I know is coming.
I feel his lips press against the back of my head. Then he breathes in deep, moans, and whispers, “I love you, Livi.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Livi tiptoes around in the morning and is out the door quickly. I hate this distance. I hate wondering what I have done. I hate thinking she would make me choose between her and my brothers.
My guts are twisted up, so I decide to go for a run to clear my head.
“Come on, Floyd.”
It’s cold out, but the sun is shining. I end up running to a place I have yet to enter. I slow down as I approach the iron gates of Elmwood Cemetery and stand still. Floyd plops her ass down on the cold concrete and looks up at me.
I swear to Christ she shakes her head.
“I’m going in today.”
Now I swear she’s rolling her eyes.
“Fuck you, flea bag,” I pat her head. “Bitches first.” I point to the gate, and her ears perk up. “Jesus, what has she done to you, Floyd?”
She doesn’t move.
“Fine, ladies first.”
Her ass rises slowly. She appears to raise her nose in the air, and then, I shit you not, she is shaking her ass as she walks ahead of me.
“Hoe,” I call out, laughing as I follow her in.
Once inside, we stand, looking down at Mom’s tiny little slab of cement for a while before I bend to brush off the snow.
“Hey, Momma.” I immediately fight tears. “Fuck, I miss you.”
Tears build up and start to trickle. “I met a girl, Mom, but I think you know that. She’s amazing and crazy as hell, but I’m pretty sure I am in love with her. Nah, I know I am, but I think I’m screwing things up.”
I sit and wait for something: a sign, a voice, God himself to come down and tell me what to do. All I get is the wind burning my face and angry that this is all I have given her. A fucking rock. But, hell, she picked it out. She didn’t want anything fancy. She wanted one thing, and that was for us boys to open up to love and be happy.
Floyd’s wet nose nudges my hand, and I pat her head.
“I’m sorry I didn’t bring flowers, Momma. I’m sorry I haven’t stopped by. I don’t feel close to you here. It’s too damn cold and just not you. You’re at the bar and in my thoughts every day. I’m gonna get going now. Love you, Mom.”
I bend down and brush the snow off the rest of the cold slab of stone and see ‘Beloved Mother’ and the words, I have left a legacy of good in a world of bad.
The words hit me hard. They have never carried as much weight as they do now. It was one of the last things she asked us to do. We are what she has left the world, and I will be damned if I won’t make her proud of what she gave this world.
“Let’s go, Floyd.”
I kiss my hand and rub it across her name. “Your legacy is strong and good, Momma. What that crazy chick needs to know is just how strong I am. The harder she pulls back, the harder I’m gonna reel her in. Nice chat, Momma.”