Clearing his throat, Jinx rubbed his forehead as he looked down at the tiled floor. “I don’t think we ever thought about it like that, to be fair, Maddie. We just assumed y’all needed to go to the bathroom.”
“Well, you’re all naïve then and should have paid attention better in reproductive health classes.”
Leaning into his side, I whispered, “I’d stop talking about this if I was you. She can go on about this subject for hours.”
Glancing at me out of the corner of his eye, Jinx nodded. “I’ll take that advice.” Then, looking back at the contents of the cart, he changed the subject. “Are you handing some of those out to high schoolers or doing a sex-ed class?”
“No,” she said slowly, drawing the word out longer than necessary. “I already told you, I’m getting them all for Sienna. You never know when you’re going to need them, and a girl needs to take care of her cooter or she’ll—”
“End up with one of the things you mentioned earlier,” we both cut in at the same time to stop her going back on her rant about STDs.
“Right.” Flipping the boxes around, she started adding up random numbers. “Okay, so that’s one hundred and sixty-two of them. How many can you get through in a night, Jinx?” When he didn’t reply, and just looked up at the ceiling, she asked, “Fine, are you allergic to latex?”
Lowering his head back down with a sigh, he shook his head. “No, I’m not allergic to it.”
Smiling brightly, she took three boxes out and replaced them with some from another shelf.
Please, God, please just take me now.
Leaving them to the discussion, I wandered a little farther down the aisle, frowning when I noticed large tubs of petroleum jelly. Who used that much at once? I had a small tin of a flavored one for my lips that’d lasted me nine months so far.
“No,” Maddie sighed as she came up beside me. “You need to buy a proper lubricant, if that’s what you’re going to do. This might do the job, but it’d be a helluva mess to clean up afterward.”
I could hear how close Jinx was to me when he burst out laughing but refrained from looking at him. If it was an issue for him then he’d have to get used to it, because I was almost certain I’d never be able to do it again.
“I was just wondering who used that much of it, that’s all.”
“People who haven’t discovered the benefits and delights of proper lube is who.” This time, she said it loud enough for the shoppers queued at the tills to hear, who all turned around to look at us.
“Oh God,” I breathed, feeling my face burning. “Please stop.”
“Like they haven’t ever had sex,” she huffed, then eyed one of the people. “Except maybe the kid throwing groceries into the bags like he’s scoring a touchdown. Let’s avoid that till.”
I managed to get through the checkout process without having a heart attack, regardless of how many times I warned her that it felt like it was happening. I even managed to put the items in bags myself without running out the door and back to my vehicle.
I further managed to thank the cashier while I paid, even if I couldn’t meet her eyes. After hearing Jinx say they discussed things like this when they finished work, I just knew she was dying to tell them how many boxes of rubbers she’d sold me. I was going to have to avoid coming her for a while. People couldn’t remember faces for that long, though, right?
And finally, I invited Jinx to join us for dinner and was happy when he said okay.
What it never occurred to me to do throughout any of it was to put the damn condoms back or tell them it was a mistake, and my best friend was an ass. In my defense, I just wanted to get out of there and not see any of the people who knew what we’d bought.
But to the two others who were with me, it apparently spoke volumes about how much I was already trusting one of them.
Five days later…
“Are you sure I look okay?” I asked for the sixth time as I looked at myself critically in the mirror.
“Your ass is popping in those jeans, your legs look like a supermodel’s, your rack looks bodacious in that green top, and it totally brings out the color of your eyes and hair. Your face is beautiful, I love the messy no-care hair, and even your damn toes look cute. Now, get away from there and do me.”
Swapping places with her so that I was sitting on the bed, I watched as she turned from side to side in front of the mirror.
“Your legs look killer in those shorts, the peep-toe heels are adorable, and I love the diamanté skull on your tank top. Your boobs look like you’re getting ready to smother someone, your hair is fa-bu-lasss, and you’re so pretty I want to hit you with the lamp beside me.”