“Can we agree this is our first session?” The words were whispered close to her ear.
A shiver of awareness went through her, and she could feel her nipples tighten. “Yes, Sir.”
“The first thing I want you to understand is that what happens between us is in your control. If you want me to stop, all you have to do is say the word red.” His hand moved along her thigh, easing up toward the apex of her legs. “We go as fast or slow as you like today. There will be times when I decide what our pacing is, but you can always stop me. You can withdraw consent at any time, and I mean any. Do you understand?”
It was a day for tears because she was holding them in again. How often had she had any control at all? Consent was something people talked about but the men in her world had seldom followed through on. “You won’t be angry if I stop you?”
“I might be disappointed, but anger has no place here,” he promised. “This is a training relationship, and it might get quite intimate. I’m here to teach you, and if I’m half the Dom I hope I am, to learn from you, too.”
She didn’t trust him, but she also couldn’t make herself get up and walk away. “Then yes, this is our first session. What do I do?”
“You listen to me. You stop thinking about anything but the sound of my voice and the feel of my hands on your skin. I want to talk to you about sex. The last time I had good sex was roughly six weeks ago. I was working a job in New York and met a woman in a bar. We spent a couple of nights together. It was vanilla, but good.”
Did he have a girlfriend? She stiffened up. “Are you seeing her?”
“No. It was a weekend thing,” he said. “I don’t have a significant other and haven’t for over a year. I don’t intend to look for one for the foreseeable future. Like I said, the training relationship can be intense. Would you like it written into the contract that I can’t date while we’re training? I’m amenable to that change.”
God, she did need to relax. “No, it’s fine. This is a training relationship, not a romance.”
“I would honestly prefer you didn’t see anyone,” he offered.
“I won’t.” It was an easy promise to make. She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t have to be. She would be alone, holed up somewhere hoping she didn’t have to see anyone at all.
And how had that worked out for her?
“Good, then we have a few weeks or months where we know we’re going to concentrate on this relationship. Now I’ve told you about the last time I had sex.”
A vision of her husband, his sweet face frowning as he turned off the light so she wouldn’t see him flashed across her brain. She’d loved him, truly loved him, but that night hadn’t been about sex for her. She shook her head. “I can’t.”
His arm tightened slightly as though he was afraid she would leap up and run away. “Good, then you’re setting a boundary for now. I’m going to push it from time to time, but I’m glad you can tell me when you’re uncomfortable.”
The hand on her thigh stroked from knee to just below her pussy, and she suddenly wished she was wearing a skirt. She’d worn the slacks because she felt like she had to wear heels with a skirt, and she had to walk so much in order to evade potential photographers.
She wanted the choice to be able to run.
“Can I kiss your ear? Play with it a little bit?” he asked.
She nodded because when she felt his breath against her, she forgot what she was thinking about before.
She gasped as he nipped her earlobe.
“I want you to concentrate on me, Vanessa. Stop thinking about anything but me. I’m a selfish bastard, and when I’m giving you pleasure I want every bit of your attention. Normally I would talk to a sub, ask her what she enjoys, but I don’t think that’s going to work with you. I think you’re going to be a mystery, and I’ll have to uncover you layer by layer.”
His hand was on the buckle of her belt, and she felt him start to release it.
He was going to put his hand down her pants. He was going to touch her. She should be scrambling off him. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been in this very position before, but now she was in control. This man wasn’t threatening her career if she didn’t give him what he wanted. He’d offered something to her. Pleasure and control.
She forced away those fleeting moments when she’d felt vulnerable. Was she going to allow those moments to stop her from ever moving forward? Nicki had tried to tell her she couldn’t live in the past, that she could learn from it, but she couldn’t let it stop her from growing.