He turned and walked away.
Make her believe.
She watched as Kyle joined the rest of the group. Michael’s head came up, his eyes searching for her.
Was it guilt that was pushing him? Or something else?
It didn’t matter. She wasn’t going to think about that tonight. The truth was they were inside making decisions that should be hers.
She was on the ground again, her face in the dirt. This was the moment when her mother gave up, choosing to spend her days holding her misery close as if it was a shield against anything that could hurt her. Her mother had chosen to hurt herself first. Self-inflicted wounds that she somehow tried to turn into badges of honor.
Her mother hated herself. That was the core problem of her life.
She was so like her mother. It was right there, the instinct to internalize all the blame. Why was she standing on this balcony? She’d had a choice. She could leave it all behind or she could try to salvage something. But instead of forging ahead, she was letting Michael make the choices.
Like she’d allowed George to guide her. Like she’d let her agents talk her into things she shouldn’t have done.
She’d stood up for herself back then. She’d made a stand to get what she deserved, and she’d gotten the shit kicked out of her for it.
So the fuck what? She’d gotten kicked and bruised and battered and then she turned around and let everyone else decide for her because it was easier? Because she was afraid?
What did she want? She was at a crossroads, and Kyle was right. There wasn’t time to sit here and mourn what she’d never really had.
She had a unique opportunity. It didn’t matter why she had it. What mattered was what she did with it.
Some of the numbness had started to melt, and she was surprised at what took its place. She’d expected sorrow, and it was in there. Mourning for her sister and the relationship they could have had. Heartache that Michael hadn’t been the man she’d thought he was.
But there was a fire inside, too. A good and righteous anger that she might be able to stoke into fuel.
She could sit here and cry or she could take back her fucking life for good or bad.
She’d left home at the age of seventeen to build a life for herself. She’d stood up for herself, tried to make her life and career better and gotten labeled difficult, and that had begun the slide that led her here.
Because she’d given up on being difficult. Because she’d wanted comfort and had forgotten to fight.
She’d been so tired and so alone. Even with George. She’d been his companion, but they’d always known there was no future for them. They’d cared for each other during a time of deep mourning.
If the last weeks with Michael had taught her anything, it was that she wanted to be alive again. She wanted to stop living in the moment and start working toward a future.
Her future was inside that condo. Whether she could ever find a way to forgive Michael didn’t matter. She could not continue to exist in this space where she floated through life, praying no one noticed her.
It was time to be difficult again.
She took a deep breath and walked in. “I’m sorry. I needed a moment. Could we go over the plan one more time? I have some thoughts.”
“Uh, sure.” The woman on the computer screen was a lovely blonde who wore a designer suit despite the fact that it was almost eleven o’clock on the East Coast. “Michael was telling me he thought you wouldn’t want to do any interviews, but I…”
“Get me a big one.” She hadn’t done an interview in years. She avoided all press like the plague, but maybe that had been a mistake.
The publicist nodded. “I think it’s the way to go. In the morning I’ll start looking for the right venue.”
“Are you sure?” MaeBe was looking at her with worried eyes.
“I am.” She noticed Kyle was hanging around the hallway, lurking. “I’ll need to do some prep work though. If you don’t mind, you could help me.”
MaeBe’s eyes lit up. “Absolutely. Anything you need.”
It might not be so hard to forgive the young woman. There was an infectious light around MaeBe Vaughn. Light to Kyle’s pitch black.
“All right.” Vanessa pulled a chair up. “Let’s get to work.”
She caught the faintest hint of a smile on Michael’s face as he sat back, giving the meeting over to her.
She didn’t want to think about how nice it was to have a team around her, watching her back.
To have a family.
The publicist started talking, and Vanessa forced herself to focus.
Chapter Sixteen
Michael couldn’t sleep. His mother hadn’t even gone through with her threat to take over his room, but he still couldn’t sleep.