When Sparks Fly

The cushion beside mine dips and Declan’s knee bumps against mine. “I’m really sorry, Ave. I didn’t mean to mess things up for you.”

If I could reach out and take his hand, I would, but he’s sitting on the casted arm side, so I shimmy over and rest my head against his bicep and my casted arm on his thigh. He’s still wearing jogging pants, but he’s put a shirt on. “We’ll get it sorted out.” I don’t know if it’s a lie or not, but I don’t want to shove more guilt down his throat when it’s not his fault I acted like an idiot and did something stupid.

His lips find my temple. “Is there anything I can do to fix it?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. London needs some time to calm down before I can really get any information out of her. She’s been working on hooking us up with a sponsor for a while, and this one seemed really invested, so it’s understandable she’s disappointed. I don’t even remember the video, let alone posting it, but obviously I did.”

“I honestly thought I wasn’t recording. I should have deleted it right away instead of letting you even look at it.”

“You couldn’t have known I would post it. It’s my fault for pushing you to take it in the first place. I know how hard it is for you to say no to me right now.” And I realize that no one wants to say no to me, which is its own problem. One I’m in a position to fix.

“You said you wanted to let loose and I didn’t want to ruin it.” He stretches his arm across the back of the couch, and his hand curves around my shoulder. “Do your sisters know what’s going on between us?”

I need to tread carefully here, because this situation is already messy and I’ve got more than enough on my plate without sending Declan into a state of panic. “Harley sort of guessed that something happened. I just told her we were being casual about it.”

“Right. Okay, yeah.” He’s quiet for a few seconds and my stomach drops. “This probably isn’t the best time, but I need to tell you something.”

I pull myself up so I can see his face. He looks worried, and maybe a little freaked-out. A freaked-out Declan isn’t a good thing. “Did something happen?”

Like did he decide he wants to hook up with that Becky chick since giving each other handies and blowies isn’t cutting it for him anymore? Or maybe he’s not that into it and thinks we should stop messing around.

His eyes dart around. “So you said some things last night that you probably don’t remember.”

“What kind of things?” All I can do is hope that I didn’t tell him I love him. Before we started hooking up, I wouldn’t have thought twice about saying it. In fact I used to say it all the time, particularly when he brought me my favorite takeout or did something nice. We’ve been friends for a long time, and it goes without saying that I love him. And until recently I would have put it on the same level as the way I feel about my sisters, a sort of familial, platonic kind of love. But everything is different now.

And I don’t feel platonic about my best friend anymore. In fact, if I’m honest with myself, it’s very much the opposite of a platonic kind of love, so my level of panic is really damn high, and it was already at near-sonic levels after my sisters stopped by.

Declan blows out a breath. “You made a comment about not needing full service in front of the guys.”

I slap my hand over my mouth. “I did not.”

He cringes. “You did. And then you made some less than quiet comments about how you’d been looking forward to another orgasm.”

“So they know, then?”

“Yeah. Like how your sisters know, I guess?” It’s framed more like a question than an actual answer.

I bite my thumbnail, which needs desperately to be filed or I’m going to bite it off. “How did that go over?”

Declan shrugs. “As well as could be expected, I guess. They’re concerned.”

“About what?”

“You, mostly. They don’t want me to fuck this up, and we both know I’m pretty good at doing that.” He takes my hand gently and threads his fingers through mine to stop me from tearing my nail off. “Why don’t I file these for you? I can even give painting them a shot if you want?”

It’s a deflection from a heavy conversation Declan doesn’t want to have. All of his fears build up in layers that weigh him down. It’s something that needs to be addressed eventually, but I don’t want to upset the delicate balance. Not right now. My biggest worry is that it will bury him, and us along with it. Whatever we are.