He had to go to work. I had school, so we parted with a tender kiss and a promise to see each other tonight.
Tonight. It’s the night I lose my virginity.
“Who is it?” Gwynn bounces her eyebrows. “I know it’s not Rich because I was with him. He quit school, Faith. Can you believe it?”
I’m not sure how this conversation jumped from my sex life to her cousin, but I’m grateful for the leap.
I didn’t want to talk about Matthew with her.
She thinks he’s fucking Professor Stein, and for now, I want to keep my relationship with him a secret.
I have no idea how long it will last.
I try not to think about that too much.
“He didn’t want to be a doctor,” I say.
She doesn’t notice that I didn’t form that as a question but rather a statement. “Everyone in our family is in medicine. No one has ever walked away from it. I can’t believe he did.”
I rest my elbow on the table we’re sitting at. “Are you studying medicine because your family expects you to?”
Her eyes widen. “It’s what Rochesters do, Faith.”
“It’s what other Rochesters do,” I correct her. “What do you want to do?”
Immediately, I can tell she’s uncomfortable. “I want to make my family happy.”
I know that feeling. My parents have always told my sisters and me to take the path that will make them proud.
I’m fortunate in that my path to become a doctor has made them proud.
“What would make you happy?” I question.
She picks up the half a cheeseburger that I set on her plate.
Today’s cheat meal was my choice, so I dragged her to Crispy Biscuit after our last class of the day. They make an incredible cheeseburger at this diner, so I ordered one for us to share, along with a side salad.
Gwynn laughed when she saw the greens but thanked me for adding something healthy to her diet.
Before taking a bite, she sets the cheeseburger down. “This stays between us, Faith.”
I look around the crowded diner. I doubt anyone can hear us, but I mime locking my lips and tossing the key away. “You have my word, Gwynn. I won’t tell a soul.”
Pushing the plate in front of her to the side, she leans forward on the table. “Sometimes, I think about being a lawyer.”
The corners of my lips edge up toward a grin. “You’d make a great lawyer.”
Her eyes brighten. “Do you really think so?”
“You’re strong and committed,” I begin before I pause. “You’d fight the good fight. I know you would.”
She leans back in her chair. “It’s never going to happen.”
“Why not?”
She lets out a bitter laugh. “Rich is going home to tell his folks that he doesn’t want to be a doctor. His dad and my dad are brothers. They’re both doctors. It’s only a matter of time before my dad or my uncle calls to tell me what a disappointment Rich is.”
“There’s strength in numbers,” I tell her. “Maybe if you stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him and speak your truth too, they’ll see that their kids can forge their own paths.”
She smiles. “I love how innocent you are, Faith. You see the best in everyone, but that’s not how life works. My destiny is to be a doctor. There’s nothing I can do to change it.”
“I’m not innocent,” I blurt out.
“You are.” She pats my hand with hers. “You think the world is a place where everyone’s dreams can come true, and love conquers all.”
Speechless, I stare at her.
“You have a lot to learn.” She tilts her head. “I do too, but one thing I know for sure is that we don’t always get what we want regardless of how desperately we crave it.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Matthew
“What’s going on in your world, Matt?”
I look over at Donovan. We’re in the break room of the clinic. We rarely show up here at the same time in the middle of the afternoon, but a lull in patients and a canceled appointment have granted us a few moments together with coffee mugs in our hands.
“The usual,” I lie.
I’m not about to confess that I spent half the night in the bed of a twenty-one-year-old seductress.
I left Faith’s apartment hours ago with an aching need to touch her.
That need is unrelenting but comforting.
I like wanting her this much. It feeds me in a way that satisfies something inside of me.
Maybe it’s that selfish whim that everyone possesses.
For the most part, I’ve kept mine at bay, indulging it with different women at different times throughout my life, but this feels different.
This isn’t just about sex.
This is about the fulfillment I felt watching Faith study and how satisfaction bloomed in my chest when I made her a snack.
I rushed to her last night, not caring if she wanted me to reach something on the high shelf in her kitchen or if she needed to come.