I’ve been thankful to not have any distractions.
But just because Kade and Jarrett both respected my wishes and left me alone for the summer, doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking of them every single day.
I don’t know what I thought I was doing when I asked for the summer, as if them giving me some time and space would somehow give me clarity. Like I would have some sort of epiphany. Instead, I feel like I’ve sunk even deeper into thick, nasty mud that keeps seeping up, up, up. At this point, it’s got to be at least chest-high and threatening to take me all the way under if I don’t do something soon.
The issue is that I have no idea what to do.
I meant what I told the girls back in May — I love Kade and Jarrett both.
But just like the girls had so gently reminded me then, I also know I can’t have them both.
And maybe that’s the truth that’s kept me latching onto this notion that somehow, space and time would help. Maybe, if I was being brutally honest with myself, I just didn’t want to make the decision and was putting it off for as long as I could.
What a selfish, awful thing to do.
I’m halfway through my first glass of wine and first dozen sparklers when my phone buzzes loud on the counter, moving along the granite to the beat of my ringtone.
“Hey, Herb,” I say when I see the front desk’s number on the screen. “Another package?”
“Not this time, Miss Vonnegut. You have a visitor. A Mister Kade Brewer. Shall I send him up?”
Ice freezes my veins, and I pause for so long, Herb clears his throat to remind me to answer.
“Um, yes,” I say weakly. “Yes.”
I stare at the phone for too long after the call ends, unable to breathe, let alone fix my appearance or think about what the hell I’m going to say once Kade makes it up to our floor.
I’m still frozen in place when there’s a soft knock on the front door, and I snap out of my daze, slamming back the last of my wine before I answer it.
The sight of Kade turns my knees to jelly.
His style has changed so much since I first met him. I’ve watched him grow from a boy into a man, from a silly flirt into someone who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to go for it. Still, to see him standing here in fitted navy dress pants and a sleek white button down, a sports jacket folded over his left arm and mocha oxfords on his feet, it’s enough to shock me silent.
His short hair is styled, his face clean-shaven, skin dark and smooth from the summer sun. I know as president of his fraternity, he’s likely spent most of his days at the beach or the campus pool, and he has the tan to show for it.
And then there are his eyes, endless pools of honey gold and warm maple syrup brown swirling together.
And he’s watching me like he’s a sick dog and I’m the motherfucker with a gun about to put him out of his misery.
After a long pause and not a peep from either of us, he finally swallows, standing a little straighter as he says, “I know the last day of summer isn’t technically until September, but school is starting back up next week, which signals fall to me.” He shakes his head. “And honestly, I couldn’t stand to be away from you. Not for one second more.” His shoulders slump. “Please, Jess.”
I close my eyes on a breath, and when I open them again, Kade’s brows are bent together, his eyes searching mine for a response.
For permission.
So I simply take a step forward, and in the next breath, I’m swept into his arms.
Everything about him encompasses me — his big, muscular arms, his broad, warm chest, his hands splaying on my rib cage, his scent, earthy and strong. I feel like a little girl again in those arms, like I’m free.
Like I’m safe.
Kade exhales at the embrace, burying his face in my neck. “Fucking hell, I’ve missed you so much.”
I squeeze him back. “I’ve missed you, too.”
He doesn’t release his hold on me for a long time, and when he finally does, he keeps his hands on my hips and just barely pulls back, watching me, waiting.
“Come inside,” I say, grabbing his hand and tugging him out of the hallway. I close the door behind us and head for the couch, sitting down first and patting the cushion next to me so Kade does the same.
For a long pause, we just sit there, staring at each other, the silence somehow comfortable and awkward all at once.
“You look… weird,” he finally comments, arching a brow as he takes in my attire.