Greek (Palm South University)

I thought after the karaoke event that I knew. I thought I would just call Jarrett up and tell him that while I did care about him, I couldn’t see him.

But then stupid me had to see him.

And stupid me remembered why I’d loved him so fiercely, why he’d broken me so completely, why even when I tried — I could never forget him.

I pull a thin, lacy, hot pink bra out of the box, smirking when I remember Kade’s face the time I wore it for him, the time I punished him for being a jerk to me over the summer, for blowing off the plan he had made for us. That was the closest I’d ever been to a Dom, and I loved it.

And God, I love him.

I love that he rose to every challenge I gave him, love that he wanted to learn, that he wanted to please me, that he wanted to be my every sexual desire. I love that it quickly became so much more than that, that he snuck into my heart and made me fall for him without so much as trying.

I love how effortless we are, tried and true.

A team.

My eyes catch on a box of matches with Ralph’s in script on the front, and I pull them from the box, smiling again. I snatched them from the supply closet that night Jarrett railed me on Halloween, reminding me that playing the games of flaunting college boys in front of him wouldn’t work.

And I love him, too.

I love how just one look from him can strip me utterly naked, how he knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I love that he’s not afraid to push my buttons, that he calls me on my bullshit, and that he fucks me like a goddamn pro.

I love that toxic, completely addicted feeling of losing him and winning him back.

The most beautiful mess.

I close my eyes, sighing before I pull out more items, one by one, each little menu or picture or scrap of clothing or stolen tchotchke another memory pulling me this way or that.

It’s a vicious tug of war, one where no one wins.

My phone buzzes in the sheets next to me, and I hitch a breath at the sight of Kade’s name.

Can I see you?

I sigh, shaking my head and typing back a response before I can think on it more.

Not today.

Erin calls out a goodbye from down the hall, and then the condo door opens and shuts, and I’m alone.

Another ping of my phone.

Were you with him on Halloween?

Him. He doesn’t even have to say who for me to know.

I didn’t post anything on the holiday, not a single picture, which is unlike me — since everyone knows I love my costumes. I’m sure he put two and two together that I wasn’t with Erin and Bear, nor was I with Ashlei — who posted a sad, albeit cute, picture of her dressed as a mummy on the couch with Brandon — and I certainly wasn’t with Skyler and Cassie at Ralph’s wooing Cassie’s soon-to-be Little.

And still, I can’t bring myself to answer him.

Suddenly, my phone rings, and I jolt, thinking it’s Kade. But it’s Herb at the front desk, and I answer surprised, “Herb?”

“Good morning, Miss Vonnegut. You have a visitor.”

I swallow. Maybe Kade isn’t taking my non-answer as an answer. “May I ask who?”

“The young man who picked you up for Halloween, Miss.”

My heart jolts again, but this time, in a traitorous, excited way.

“Send him up, please.”

I jump off the bed as soon as we end the call, fussing with my hair a bit and changing out of my giant sweatpants into a small, cute pair of sleep shorts. I’m wearing a tank top without a bra, and decide I shouldn’t bother putting one on.

When I see the box and its contents on my bed, I curse, gathering everything and shoving it back inside before kicking the whole box under my bed. I close my closet door to hide that mess, too, and then scuttle down the hall.

My phone buzzes as I do.

Kade.

You’re killing me, Jess.

When I open the door and see Jarrett smirking, holding two coffees in a carrier and a bag of what I assume are donuts from one of the best places downtown, my heart cracks.

“I’m on my way to the office,” he explains, a beautiful smirk on that beautiful face of his. “But I had to see you first.”

I bite my lip against the smile I feel building, opening the door more for him to come inside.

My phone feels like a bomb in my hand.

I read Kade’s text again, and then I type back the most honest thing I can.

I’m killing me, too.

Before he can respond, I toss my phone on the kitchen counter face down, following Jarrett inside. I lead him back to my bedroom, snatching the bag of donuts from his hands.