But I don’t care.
Whatever gets the job done.
And as much as I’m running around and supervising everything, helping where I can, ensuring all the details are exactly as the bride described, I can’t keep my eyes from wandering to Kade.
He was emotionless when he got here — no hug or kiss for a greeting, just a thin smile and a What should we do first?
I can’t blame him. He knows I’ve been with Jarrett. He knows I haven’t been with him.
I know it’s killing him.
It’s killing me, too.
He must be working his frustrations out in the gym, because his already-impressive physique is even more cut than I remember, and I watch every muscle ebb and flow as he unstacks chairs and places them around the room, helps his brothers rebuild the dance floor, and sets up the band’s equipment on the stage.
It’s almost midnight by the time we get everything where we need it, and Kade dismisses his brothers after I hug them all and pay them cash out of my own pocket.
What Brittany doesn’t know won’t hurt her, and they saved my ass tonight.
When they’re gone, taking what’s left of the bottles and the music with them, the ballroom door swings shut and an eerie silence falls over me and Kade.
My soul wants to jump out of my body, the way he’s looking at me. His hands are in his pockets, eyes under folded brows, jaw tight. He still doesn’t have a shirt on, and I can see the band of his briefs peeking out above his basketball shorts — a sight that makes me ache for him right between my thighs.
“Thank you,” I finally manage. I open my mouth again to say that I would have been fucked without him, that he saved me, that I love him, that I’ve missed him.
But I close it just as quickly, because the menacing look in his eyes tells me he doesn’t want to hear it.
He watches me for so long I can’t bear to meet his gaze anymore, and I don’t know why, but my eyes sting with tears when I look away.
Kade sighs, and then he slowly crosses the space between us, until he’s just inches from me.
“Jess.”
I close my eyes at the sound of my name on his lips, at the tender way he says it.
I don’t deserve that tenderness.
“Look at me,” he commands, and when I don’t, his finger and thumb gently touch my chin, tilting it until I’m forced to meet his gaze.
And the way he’s watching me now, it’s like he’s the one who’s been a class A prick.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He nods, the gesture cutting me off before I can tell him all that I’m sorry for.
His eyes search mine, his tongue snaking out to wet his lips. “I never had to leave, you know.”
I frown, tilting my head, but Kade just steps into me, his palm sliding along my cheek as I lean into it and close my eyes to soak in the touch.
I have missed him — it wasn’t a lie.
And feeling that connection with him again, seeing him again, everything inside me swirls like a nasty storm. I want to vomit. I want to pitch myself off the nearest roof. I want to whip myself and lock myself up.
Because I still love him, with every cell in my body I love him.
And I’ve been fucking another man.
“I never had to lose you to know,” he continues, his voice soft, just a rumble over my skin as I let my eyes flutter open to meet his gaze once more. “I’ve known since the moment I saw you, since you thought I was just some douchebag frat boy,” he adds with a smirk that makes me smile, too — though the smile releases two hot tears down my cheeks. “And I was already so far gone, Jess. I was so far gone. There was no saving me, and there was no way I could ever live without having you.”
“Kade…”
“I know you’ve been with him,” he says, his jaw hardening, chest heaving with a deep breath. “And I meant it when I said it’s fucking killing me to know that.”
I roll my lips together as more silent tears slip free, but Kade wipes them away as quick as they come.
“As angry as it makes me, and as much as it fucking wrecks my heart,” he says, beating his fist on his chest with a break in his voice that I feel in my own soul. “I understand. I understand why you have to give him another chance, why you have to see if there… if there’s something still…”
He can’t finish the sentence.
I wrap my arms around his waist, and he pulls me in closer, letting out a long, slow breath as he drops his forehead to mine.