He swallows hard.
“It’s toxic — to both of us. And I won’t do it. I refuse to participate any longer.”
Jarrett’s shoulders slump, and he shakes his head, an argument building on his lips.
“If you wouldn’t have had to come back to Florida for work,” I say, reaching over to squeeze his forearm and make him look at me. “You never would have thought of me again.”
“I thought of you every day.”
His words kick me in the chest.
“Maybe so,” I say softly. “But you don’t love me. You love the chase.”
His jaw tics, and he shakes his head, but tears his gaze away from me, unable to stare the truth in the eyes.
“I want happiness for you,” I say after a long while. “I do. You are such a—”
“If you say great guy, I swear to God, I’m pitching myself off the first rooftop I can find.”
I swallow, picking at my nail polish with my eyes on my hands. “I’m sorry.”
Jarrett sighs, deep and heavy, like all the hope he was holding onto left him with that breath. He holds his tumbler in his hand lightly, giving it a toss with his wrist, and then downs what whiskey is left before turning to face me.
“I hope my brother knows how lucky he is.”
I try to smile, but it falls flat. Instead, the tears I’ve been holding at bay slip free, the realization that Jarrett and I will never be sinking in and tearing my soul to shreds.
“And if he ever fucks up,” Jarrett warns.
“I know,” I say before he can finish, reaching for his hand. He turns his palm up, letting me hold him, and I squeeze his hand tightly. “I know.”
He nods, his eyes searching mine, and tears well in his eyes before he sniffs and jumps up without warning. His hand pulls from mine, digging into his pocket for his wallet. He slaps down a twenty to cover our drinks, and I slowly stand to mirror him.
“So, I guess this is it,” he says.
“I guess so.”
He bites the inside of his cheek, and then opens his arms, and without hesitation, I slip into them, both of us sighing when he wraps me in a tight embrace.
“You’re wrong about one thing,” he says against the shell of my ear. “I do love you.”
I nod against his neck, squeezing him tight, and we hold that hug for just a second, or was it a lifetime, before finally letting go.
And we do.
We let go.
In that moment, with that final embrace, I feel the last bit of Jarrett that has always stuck to my heart washing away, the waves taking him out to the Sea of the Past. And when I look into his eyes, I know he feels it, too.
The cleanse.
“Goodbye, Jarrett,” I whisper.
And then I leave him behind.
Later that night, Kade draws lines on my skin with his fingertips, my back to his chest, his chin on my shoulder as he holds me.
“So,” I say after a while, rolling in his arms to face him. Every limb is sore from how much we’ve made up lately, but it’s the delicious kind that I don’t mind at all. “What now?”
“What now?” he repeats, kissing my nose before he looks up at the ceiling, thinking. “Hmm… well, I’m thinking we might need a little food, maybe a shower, and then I have this position I want to try where—”
I flick his forehead, laughing when he pins me down into the sheets and kisses me breathless. I finally push him away and hold my hands to his chest where he balances over me.
“I’m serious,” I say. “With all this behind us… now what?”
Kade smiles, smoothing my hair out of my face. “Well, I’ve got a semester left of school,” he says. “You’ve got a busy wedding season coming up in the spring. And then…” He shrugs. “The world is our oyster.”
“What does that mean?”
He laughs, leaning down to press a brief kiss to the frown line between my brows. “It means we don’t have to have it all figured out right now. We’re young, Jess. Young and madly in love. I’m finishing up school, you’re starting a new career, and we’re building a future… together.”
The corner of my mouth lifts. “We are, aren’t we?”
“I don’t know that I’m ready to dive in as head-first as your bestie has but…”
I snort laugh. “Oh no, I’m not ready for babies either. Although, I do plan to spoil the shit out of hers.”
“Oh! Can we be the cool aunt and uncle who gives the kid ungodly amounts of sugar and loud toys and then send them home again at the end of the day?”
“Obviously. I also plan to buy them any and everything they want so that they know when they’re old enough to need beer for a high school party, Aunt Jess has their back.”