I carefully picked up a piece of clothing, acutely aware of Maddox’s eyes following my every move. From the messy pile, it was hard to tell if the clothes were dirty or clean.
Maddox let out a low laugh as he perched on the windowsill and blew smoke outside. “Everything’s clean. But as you can see, I don’t have a wardrobe, so the chair has to do.”
“Ironing and folding too complicated for you?” I asked after I’d picked up a simple black T-shirt and black boxers. It felt strange touching Maddox’s underwear. The idea of wearing them felt even stranger. My relationship with Giovanni had always been too formal for me to get the chance to run around in his clothes, not to mention that he would have never allowed me anywhere near his underwear.
“Be my guest if you want to stay in your dirty clothes.”
I grabbed the T-shirt and his boxers and disappeared into the bathroom. The room was clean but small. Maddox was right. I’d never been in a bathroom as simple as this. Even my friends came from money and had bigger and more luxurious bathrooms than most people. I washed my underwear in the sink with soap but my pants and blouse were ruined. After a quick shower, I dressed in Maddox’s clothes. His shirt reached my thighs and his boxers hung low on my hips, almost slipping off. It felt strange being this vulnerable around a man like him.
When I left the bathroom, Maddox was gone. I walked toward the window, unsure what to do. Lying down in Maddox’s bed felt like a bad idea. I was dead tired but my suspicion kept me wide awake. After a while the door opened and Maddox came in with a plate stacked with sandwiches. He paused briefly, his eyes tracing from my bare feet over my naked legs all the way up to my face. He didn’t give away anything. Usually men always went slack-jawed but usually I dressed up.
“I have some sandwiches for you.”
“You made them?”
He shook his head with an amused expression as if the mere suggestion was absurd. “I had Cherry make them. She’s a decent cook.”
“The girl you got cozy with a few days ago?”
He nodded, as if it was no big deal. “Didn’t she mind that she had to make dinner for another woman who’d spend the night in your room?”
“We aren’t dating, only fucking. She’s a pass-around. She doesn’t care. I’m not the only guy she’s got an eye on. If someone else asks her to be his old lady, she’d dump me in the dust in the blink of an eye. All these girls want is a cut that declares them a biker’s property.”
My lips curled. “A pass-around, really? How sexist can you be?”
“Don’t act so high and mighty. In your circles women are used as bargain. I mean, who still uses arranged marriages?”
“They worked for centuries,” I said haughtily. “And I’m not promised.”
“Anymore. Weren’t you and that sappy guy supposed to marry in two years?”
“We didn’t have a date yet. But for your information, I chose him, not my parents.”
“You chose someone your father allowed near you so you would choose him.”
I had never seen it that way, but it was true that only certain boys had been allowed near me once I hit puberty. All of them well-behaved and respectful, not to mention terrified of my father. “You know nothing of our life. But it’s certainly better than this lawless hillbilly life you lead.”
“I’m free to do as I please. You are bound by your old-fashioned rules.”
Even if he had a point, I couldn’t just let it drop. I motioned at the hellhound tattoo on his upper arm, the sign of his club. “You can’t just leave the club either. That’s not freedom.”
“I live for that club. I’d never leave it. It’s my fucking life.”
“And my family is my life, so I’m not less free than you.”
“I don’t think you really understand what freedom means.”
I’d often longed for freedom, but not away from my family and the world I grew up in.
Maddox held out the plate again, then set it down on the nightstand. “You can eat in bed if you want, I don’t mind.”
“What about crumbs?” I asked, more to gain time and get rid of my sudden nervousness.
“These sheets have seen worse,” Maddox said with a chuckle, making his way over to the armchair.
My lips curled. “I think I’ll sleep on the floor.”
Maddox gave me a pissed-off look. “I changed them this morning, so don’t get your panties in a bunch. But if you prefer the floor, be my guest. I don’t give a fuck.”
He removed his cut and draped it over the backrest. It was the first time I saw him without it since the kidnapping. The way he looked at it, the piece of leather seemed to be important to him.