Hard Fall (St. Louis Mavericks 1)

I smiled to myself as I gathered ingredients for crepes. Wes finished feeding Benny and then finished washing the dishes I’d been in the middle of last night when he got home.

“Your mommy and I used to make crepes all the time when we were in college,” I told Annalise.

“I want her to come back,” she said, her eyes wide and her lips turned down.

My heart hurt as I stopped what I was doing and pulled her into my arms. “I know, baby. And if there was any way for her to come back, she would.”

“Doesn’t she miss me and Benny?”

“I know your parents miss you with all their hearts. You and Benny were everything to them.”

“But they can’t come here ever again,” she said sadly.

“No, they can’t.”

“Can we go to heaven and visit them?”

“I wish we could, but we can’t.”

I locked eyes with Wes, and he looked as gutted as I felt. I would have done anything to comfort Annalise, but I didn’t know what would help. She pulled away from the hug.

“Do you want to pour and stir things for our crepes?”

She didn’t respond, and when I brushed the dark curls back from her face I saw that she was crying. Her heartbreak made my throat tighten as tears filled my eyes.

“It’s okay to cry,” I told her, my voice breaking.

“Crying is for babies,” she said, wiping her cheeks dry.

“Who told you that?”

She shrugged. “My dad used to say baseball guys were crybabies.”

Wes came over and sat down next to Annalise.

“Those guys cry over pulled hamstrings, and that’s totally different than this. When you have big feelings about your mom and dad, it’s okay to cry.”

“I cry, and I’m not a baby,” I said.

“Me too,” Wes added.

“I want my mommy and daddy,” Annalise said, unshed tears pooling in her eyes. “I want them to come back home.”

My tears spilled over as I said, “I wish they could, baby.”

“Can we still have a tea party?” she asked.

“Absolutely.”

Wes moved a kitchen chair over to the counter and Annalise stood on it to help me make crepes. I didn’t bring up Lauren again, because I felt like I’d brought on her sadness before by mentioning her mother. I wanted to keep Ben and Lauren’s memories alive for Annalise, but I didn’t want to remind her of her loss. It was so hard to know what to say, and to find the perfect balance.

Wes approached to watch us work, running his palm over my back in soothing circles. I felt his unspoken message that we were doing our best and that was all we could do.

“Annalise, after our tea party I have something to show you,” I said. “Something you’re going to love.”

“What?”

“Pictures from your birthday party. There’s one of you and all the Avengers who came.”

“Is Thor in it?”

“He is, and I have some of just you and Thor, too.”

She grinned. “He’s my best friend. I asked him if we could be best friends and he said yes.”

“Wow,” Wes said, brows arched. “You’re the coolest four-year-old I know. I wish Thor would be my best friend.”

We finished the crepes, complete with strawberries and whipped cream, and sat around the table eating them. I got out a few pieces of Lauren’s wedding china, which made Annalise happy because it was a “real” tea party then. Wes and I drank coffee—lots of coffee to compensate for only getting a couple hours of sleep—and Annalise drank juice. Benny tried to eat his hands.

I couldn’t take away Annalise’s sadness, no matter how badly I wanted to. It was hard explaining to her that her parents were gone forever when it was a difficult concept for her young mind to understand. All I could do was the same thing Lauren and I had done for each other when one of us had a broken heart. Be there.

As the four of us sat at the table that morning, I thought about the polished, professional photo from the party that made us look like a family. A photo truly showing us as a family, though, would be of a moment like this—where we were laughing, crying and just living, together.

That night, I sat up in bed, woken from a deep sleep by Annalise sliding out of bed and running out of the bedroom.

Dazed, I slipped out of bed to follow her. Ben and Lauren’s room had a bathroom in it, so I knew that wasn’t where she was going.

I was so damn tired. Wes and I had chosen sex over sleep last night and then the day had been filled with laundry, grocery shopping and playing with the kids. By the time I’d fallen face-first into bed, I could hardly keep my eyes open. Wes was on Benny duty tonight and I’d been planning on nine blissful, uninterrupted hours of sleep.