“You tired yet, buddy?” I asked him, pulling him up into a sitting position on my stomach since I was mostly sprawled out.
“Da da.” He said the word haltingly and then blew a raspberry.
Oh, holy shit. He’d just called me Dada. He would never know Ben. And as the man raising him, it was inevitable he would call me Dad. Daddy. I closed my eyes and breathed in and out a few times. Sometimes the grief washed over me with such ferocity it was like being in that hospital room all over again. That scratchiness behind my eyes was all too familiar now, but this time it was mixed with joy.
Da da.
“Da da da da da!” Benny was on a roll and I opened my eyes again, refusing to miss out on such an important moment, no matter how hard it was. I wouldn’t replace Ben, but I’d step in and fill his shoes, even though they were huge.
“What about Mama?” I asked him.
He frowned at me. “Da da da!”
“Well, we’ll work on mama tomorrow, okay?” I kissed the top of his head, his silky hair tickling my skin. I hadn’t realized how much I loved these kids until I’d been away from them for a week.
“Hey.” Hadley came into the room, smiling down at Benny.
“Annalise finally settle down?”
“She fell asleep at dinner, but she was filthy so I put her in the bath anyway, and that woke her right up. She had to tell me every detail of her adventure today, twice, and then said I had to read all her favorite stories to her because Grandma doesn’t read them.”
I scowled. “I can’t wait to get them back in court. I was going to call you to tell you about our new attorney, but then this happened and I kind of forgot about it.”
“Oh?” She sat on the bed cross-legged, one hand resting on Benny’s back as he cuddled into my shoulder.
I told her about Regina Rittenhouse and how I’d gotten my father involved.
“He’s a powerhouse,” I told her. “I don’t usually go to him for stuff like this because he’s way over the top, but it was time to get custody finalized. One way or another.”
She was gently tickling Benny’s toes and he giggled, his foot moving out of the way and then going back for more.
“I want you to know,” she said after a moment. “I’m not giving up these kids. Regardless of what we have to do to get custody at the hearing, I’m going to be in their lives.”
“I never suggested otherwise,” I said slowly, watching her. She wouldn’t look at me, so I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I knew her well enough to sense she needed a little time to formulate her thoughts.
“What I mean is…” She cleared her throat and picked up Benny, pulling him against her. “I love these kids and the life we started to build here. So even if we put your name on some document that gives you custody, don’t think that when you’re tired of me—of us—that I’m just going to go away quietly. I will sell everything I own to fight for shared custody if you try to cut me out of their lives.”
“That’s what you think of me?” I asked in surprise, sitting up a little as I met her gaze. “That I would do something like that?”
“I know what this is and I’m okay with it. What we have right now is good. It’s fun and passionate and we’ve actually become friends through all of this, but I know I’m not the love of your life or anything so—”
“Okay, wait, I feel like I’ve missed something.” I cocked my head. “Last time we talked, you were worried about your job, your career, your life back in New York…and that’s why you went back. Has something changed?” I knew what I wanted her to say, but somehow, I had a feeling it wouldn’t be that easy. Nothing with us was ever easy.
“I told you—I love the kids and the life we built here.” She bounced Benny as he started to squirm to get free. “And after what happened with Annalise, it’s pretty obvious that we’re the right people to raise the kids. Not Patrick and Susan.”
“So you’re leaving New York?” Excitement coursed through me at the prospect of having her back here with me. With us.
She nodded. “I haven’t worked out exactly what I’m going to do yet, but the kids need me.”
I breathed in slowly, trying to read between the lines. She thought the kids needed her but hadn’t said anything about me. Didn’t she know how much I needed her too? Did she have feelings for me or was this all about the custody battle?
I’d never been unsure of myself when it came to women, but there had never been a woman in my life like Hadley. Hell, there had never been anyone in my life that impacted me like Hadley.