“Ready?” the driver asked .
I nodded. “They can open the door .”
He signaled to the group outside and the door opened. The flashes and screams started. I stepped onto the red carpet, hearing my name mixed with boos and cheers. Reporters screamed my name .
The representative appeared from the side. “Right this way, Miss Wilde. We’ll just keep you moving here. Yep. Just keep walking .”
I smiled and looked up at him. He guided me through a line. Instead of stopping and posing for pictures or answering questions he ushered me on the other side of the paparazzi row .
“Don’t I need to — ”
“We’ll just keep moving. I don’t want you to deal with anything uncomfortable tonight.” He pulled the earpiece on his head. “Ok, looks like I can take you straight to your seat .”
“But, I wanted to say hi to some people.” I looked over my shoulder. I was the only one being whisked inside as if I were late .
“Inside works. And it’s cooler,” he offered .
I refrained from stomping my pointy heel into his toes. He was only doing what he had been told to do, but I felt it. The judgment. The pity. The problem I caused for the awards. They would much rather I tucked my tail and stayed home to watch the awards in my PJs and with a big bucket of cookies and cream ice cream .
Instead Lexi Wilde was here to collect all her CYAs in person and remind the world that country fans had fallen for a girl that underneath it all was paid to be liked .
This was when I needed a manager—someone who could navigate this mine field for me. Show me where it was clear to step. Who I should avoid. The path to safety .
There hadn’t been time. Between severing ties with Jake, losing Luke, and preparing for the show with Helena I didn’t have time to vet and interview new managers .
Before he could shuttle me inside, a microphone was shoved in my face .
“Lexi, what do you want to tell your fans about the accusations? Do you think it’s going to affect your chances tonight to take home an award ?”
I turned to my guide, indicating I was going to stop whether or not he liked it .
“Hi.” I grinned sweetly. “I’m so happy for my fan support. I’ve felt so much love this week. Really, I can’t thank them enough .”
Years of working alongside Jake had prepared me for these kinds of questions .
The truth was my accounts were filled with nasty words like whore , slut , and hooker . I had been overwhelmed with venom and hate. It took everything I had to get out of bed. Helena had convinced me to stop reading the nastiness .
“And the awards?” the reporter pressed .
“Oh, I’m not even thinking about that,” I lied. “It is an honor to be nominated, and I just loving being here to celebrate country music with my friends .”
I felt a tap on my elbow and I knew I had to get inside or be carried .
“Thank you .”
I ducked inside and faced a crowd of my peers .
“I can find my own seat.” I told the representative. “Thank you.” I tried to be gracious, but he was overbearing. “Unless you want to walk with me to the ladies’ room?” I suggested .
He took the hint and walked back outside. I doubted there were any other artists here who caused the kind of image problems I did, but someone always showed up drunk, and you could count on at least one couple to have a major fight in the limo before the car door opened. It was standard award show activity .
“Olivia.”
I waved to one of the first artists I ever toured with. Olivia Jones was one of the biggest headliners when I started in the business. I hadn’t seen her since we did a holiday concert together last year. I crossed the lobby to give her a hug, but before I got to her she had already stepped inside the theater .
I bit my lip, trying to convince myself she hadn’t seen me .
But after the next three artists snubbed me, I couldn’t pretend any longer. I wasn’t welcome here .