Don't Promise (Don't 3)

Julie

My stomach rumbled for the tenth time in the last five minutes. This time loud enough to be heard across the room. I had forgotten breakfast as I rushed out the door this morning. And I had

n’t thought about bringing lunch. Again.

I needed to start taking better care of myself, but there were only so many hours in a day and it seemed that out of the twenty-four most people were able to function with, I had thirty-five hours of work to complete. That didn’t include showering or eating.

I rubbed the back of my neck and tried to reach up on my toes to get a stretch down the back of my legs. I should have been used to being on my feet all day, but once I added night shifts, my body revolted. It was too much. All of it.

There was another reason I couldn’t eat. It could be summed up in two words: Kane Hawkins.

I sighed louder than I meant to, but I glanced out the windows that lined the wall on the left of the classroom. All the children were on the playground, and I had a break from recess duty. I had a minute to let my stomach roll with the memory of what happened last week. It wavered between nausea, excitement, and dread.

I turned from the window. It was supposed to be easy money. Guaranteed to add enough cash in my pocket to pay my bills so I didn’t have to leave the education center. I sat on the corner of my desk. I took a job doing something humiliating so I could keep one that meant more to me than anything else. It was some kind of twisted poetic irony.

Nothing else that happened once I tied on that waitress apron made any sense. I almost had sex in the back of the bar. I had let a man I’d never met touch me. Kiss me. Lick me. Suck me like a piece of candy.

And I liked it. No, I loved it.

And for what? To get pawed at by a drunken biker? And then to have Kane Hawkins defend my honor and end up being hauled off to jail? None of it made sense.

I felt guilty. Guilty about everything. The almost sex. Missing part of my shift. The fight. Hawk’s arrest. Dragging my ass to work exhausted every morning this week. There wasn’t a corner I could turn to where I didn’t feel the guilt.

It was as if something had possessed me that night. Something sexy. Something forbidden. And it was almost Hawk. I had almost let him take total control over me.

“Miss Bristow?”

I jumped at the sound of the small voice behind me.

“Hey, JJ.”

I thought I was alone. I had let my thoughts drift to places I never should have let them go at the center. Teaching here was my true calling. These kids needed me. And they needed me to get my shit together.

I could relate to them. I thought maybe more than some of the other teachers. There was a part of me that was like them. I had lost my mom at a young age. I knew what it was like to feel that kind of pain. To feel like I had been abandoned. I knew it too well. If these kids were lucky, they had one parent. But looking at JJ, I knew he wasn’t one of those.

“Is it ok if I stay inside?” he asked.

“Don’t you want to play with everyone else?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No. I just want to read.”

He scuffed his feet along the linoleum floor. It wasn’t the worst request he could make.

“All right,” I caved. JJ was one of those kids who was quiet. He’d rather bury his head in a book than play kick ball or tag.

He settled into his desk and pulled a mystery ghost story from his backpack. I pulled out my chair and finally braved my phone. I pulled a news page and started skimming for a headline.

I had been nervous all day. I wondered if there would be news about Hawk. I wondered if I would be called in. Would he need me to testify? Would he have a fair judge? Should I try to call his attorney and offer to make a statement?

Should I call my dad at work and get his advice? I knew that was pointless. He was a huge Sharks fan, but he worked in family court. He couldn’t get involved to help in this situation. Add to that, I hadn’t told him I took a job waiting tables and I would have more explaining to do. I didn’t need that right now.

I looked up when I heard the shuffle of more feet enter the classroom. Recess was over. I sighed when the bell rang overhead. Another day gone. Another lesson taught. The students rushed in, grabbing their backpacks and lunch boxes before lining up by the door. I hurried them down the hall to the carpool line and then to the bus line, dropping them off along the way.

I returned to the classroom and smiled at Hunter.

“So what club do you have today?” I asked, patting him gently on the shoulder.

He shrugged just slightly from my touch. Over time, I had gotten used to his aversion of being close to other people. But there were moments when I could reach out. Show him warmth.