My hand rested on the railing and I looked at her.
“All these years I’ve been angry as hell at you.”
“I know you have.”
“So angry, I wanted every trace of you gone. Every memory. Every song. Every movie. Every joke we laughed about. And you know how I did it?”
She shook her head slowly.
“I fucked every woman I met. I fucked them so you wouldn’t be in here anymore.” I pounded my chest. “I threw everything I had into football. And I became the best. The absolute best.” I clenched my jaw. “So I guess I should thank you for that, Sierra.” The bitterness in my voice was palpable. I didn’t know if I was angrier before she told me or now.
“Blake…”
“Don’t,” I growled. “Don’t you dare give me your fucking pity.” I glared at her. “I got over you. And some story about a baby that doesn’t exist doesn’t bring that all back.”
Her slender frame extended from the chair and she walked toward me. Graceful. Beautiful. Sexy.
“It doesn’t have to bring anything back.”
Her hand touched my arm, singeing my skin with heat.
“But the secrets are gone. The lies are out,” she whispered. “This is who we are now.” Her hand moved up my arm.
“I can’t go back to who I used to be,” I warned her.
“I don’t want you to,” she whispered. “I want to know this version of you. I want to know the man you are.
“Every time we get close again I hold back. I’ve been afraid you would find out the truth. And now that I know about your dad…” Her words drifted off.
“You were that scared of him?” I questioned.
She nodded. “He was your father, and I know you’re in pain dealing with his death, but he terrified me.”
“You never should have felt threatened. Never.”
My hands balled into fists by my side. The need to hold her and protect her against the injustice consumed me. I didn’t care if it was my father or a stranger—she never should have faced that fear alone.
“Blake, can you forgive me? Can you try to understand why I kept the secret?”
“I get it when you were eighteen, but why didn’t you say something sooner? Why did you wait until today? Why now? You could have tracked me down. You could have tried, damn it.”
“It seemed too late. I didn’t want to live in the past. I didn’t want to relive the pain, honestly. Knowing what we could have had.” She bit her lip. “It haunts me every day. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I hate what happened. I hate you were scared. I hate you were alone.”
She locked her gaze on me. “But do you hate me?”
“God, no. I don’t hate you.”
And I lost it. I lost the reasons I was angry, or the reasons I wasn’t. I didn’t care about the house, or the fact that she was leaving. I didn’t care she had left. And that if she had to do it all again, she’d probably make the same decision. I didn’t care about any of that shit right now. All I cared about was taking her to bed. Taking her in my arms. And drowning in her.
19
Sierra
Blake’s mouth pressed against mine and his hands tangled through my hair. I sighed when his tongue coiled inside my mouth. His body towered over mine, pinning me with his strength. I melted into his arms as the kiss grew wilder.
We were on fire. Desperate to erase the pain. Determined to discover everything that was new between us.