Pretending She's Mine

Journey

I swear I didn’t know I could survive an entire week without my cell phone, but I managed. There was actually something peaceful about being disconnected from everyone at all times. I wasn’t willing to admit it to Asher. Every morning I asked for my phone. And every time he gave me the same gruff “no.”

Luckily, the Big Bear cabin was stocked with an incredible library. Before she left last week, Nurse Agnes informed me that since I didn’t have a concussion, there were no reading restrictions

. I started with the classics. I couldn’t remember the last time I had read this much, or spent this much time alone.

I could change the dressing on my arm without any help. After a few days, the wrapped gauze bandage was reduced to an oversized Band-Aid. The slice the bullet cut ran from the side of my bicep along the back of my arm. Most people would probably never notice it.

I wasn’t going to be one of those people. I’d wear the scar for the rest of my life, knowing how close I came to dying.

I closed the book I was reading and placed it next to me on the bedside table. The house was quiet. I knew in a few minutes I’d hear Asher’s footsteps in the kitchen. He was a notorious midnight snacker.

It was one of a thousand things about Asher that was carved into my eternal memory. He liked to run early in the morning. He never missed a Texas football game on TV. He liked to shave with a fresh razor and never used one more than once. He liked bourbon straight. I didn’t want to fall asleep reliving everything I knew about him.

I pulled the covers close to my chest and turned off the light. I stared at the ceiling. I listened for Asher’s unmistakable sounds. Ever since the night I ran into his room, I had tried to put as much distance between as I could. As much distance as two people could have co-existing under the same roof.

I didn’t know if he realized I was mortified. That his room was the last place I wanted to use as my sanctuary. It didn’t matter. It was one more page in the history of things I did I’d rather pretend never happened. I closed my eyes, praying sleep would find me quicker than it had since I had arrived in Big Bear.

The next morning, I ventured into the living room and out onto the massive wraparound porch. The air smelled fresh and clean. I took a giant inhale, feeling the peacefulness wash over me. It was another thing I didn’t want to admit to Asher. I liked it up here. Almost as much as I liked it at the beach house. I had traded seagulls for morning birds and shells for stones.

“Good morning.”

I froze when I heard his voice behind me. I turned slowly. He was dressed for his morning run. His earbuds dangled around his neck.

“Hi.”

I watched in awe as he stretched his muscular arms overhead. I was aware of how beautiful his body had always been to me. The twinge of jealousy that wormed its way into this moment surprised me. Was there another woman who admired his rock-hard body the way I did? Had there been many women since we were together?

“I’m headed out for an hour.”

“I see that.” My gaze was stuck on his biceps. I lowered my eyes to the beams on the deck.

“You wouldn’t want—” He shook his head. “Never mind. Bad idea.”

“What? What is it?” I leaned closer, peeling myself off the railing.

“You seem to be feeling better. Do you want to join me? I’ll take it easy on you. We could try some of the low-key trails.” The smirk he made was enough for me to melt into a puddle, despite the chill in the air.

I paused too long.

“It was a bad idea. I’ll just go. You stay and relax.”

“No!” I covered my mouth. “I mean. Yes, I’d like to go. I haven’t been on the trails yet. Can you give me a minute to change?”

“Sure. I’ll wait.”

I tried to enter the house casually, but once I was inside I hustled to my room and flung open the closet door. Part of me worried Asher would change his mind and leave before I had socks on. The other part was in disbelief he was actually letting me leave the house.

He had spared no expense in purchasing my wardrobe. My hands landed on a cute pair of running shorts, a sports bra, and a cutoff shirt. I dressed and grabbed the running shoes on my way to the balcony. I immediately felt Asher’s eyes on my stomach when I stepped in the sunlight.

“You’re going to need to tie those.”

“Hmm? What?”

He pointed to my feet. “Your shoe laces.”

“Oh. Right.” I knelt to secure double knots.