“You don’t think we should try to hike to the main road?” I pressed the idea of getting out of here.
He shook his head. “It’s two miles. The lake has flooded by now. Not to scare the shit out of you, but there’s a good chance with water levels that high the wildlife is…you don’t want to get that close to the snakes and gators in this area.”
“Oh my God. Snakes?” I loathed all reptiles, especially snakes.
“That’s the reality of where we are. We’re in nowhere Louisiana. But in the house, there are no critters—at least none I’ve found. And hey, at least there are no leaks. No rain. We can wait out the storm here and try to hike out as soon as it passes. It’s too big of a risk to go out there now. I can keep you safer in here.”
I knew what he said was logical. It would always be logical. It was the FBI agent in him. But what were we going to do here all night as sitting targets? Someone had led me to this house. Someone wanted me here. They wanted me to see the map on the wall. They wanted me trapped inside. Why?
“Speaking of keeping you safe. Where is my other gun?” AJ asked.
My eyes shot to his. “Oh, that?”
“Syd, where is it?”
I walked over to the suitcase and unzipped it. I pulled it from the silk compartment I used to store my lingerie. “I didn’t use it. I wouldn’t.”
AJ followed me, slowly taking the gun from my hand. “I was surprised you took it. You hate guns.”
I shrugged. “I did a lot of stupid things the other day. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
He unclipped the bottom of the gun and checked the cartridge. “Are we going to talk about that?”
I turned away from him. “No. We aren’t.”
He sat on the wide ledge of the windowsill. He kept glancing over his shoulder toward our cars and then back to me. I didn’t know what he could see through the rain and the paint covering the glass. The roof shook with a rumble of thunder. I jumped.
“Then you can listen.”
“I can’t do this now. Not like this. Please, let’s talk back in D.C.,” I pleaded. “There’s too much going on here.”
He ignored me. “I meant every fucking word I said to you on that airplane.” His eyes blazed. My hands instantly curled together over my chest, as if I could protect my heart from what he was about to say. “I thought I knew you like the back of my hand.” He shook his head. “And I think I do. Maybe that’s what scared me the most. It fucking terrifies me about you.”
“I reacted. I wasn’t thinking. It wasn’t about you. I didn’t want to leave. I panicked.” I exhaled. My pulse raced.
I realized just because he was here didn’t mean I was forgiven. It also didn’t mean he wanted us to start over. I had jeopardized all of it.
“What was that promise you made me pledge?” He looked toward the ceiling. “Something about no more lies. Only living in the truth together?”
The sky flashed with lightning and another clap of thunder echoed around us.
“I meant sharing the truth about us,” I answered softly.
He shoved off the ledge and closed in on me. “Anything that puts you in danger is about us.” He towered over me. “Anything that separates you from me is about us. Anything that scares you, that hurts you, that makes you unhappy is about us.” He tipped my chin upward and I studied the wound just over his eye that was still healing.
We were both so raw from what had happened. AJ had broken ribs. We had cuts. Bruises and scrapes so deep no Band-Aid could hold them together.
“I shouldn’t have run,” I whispered. “I swear I wasn’t running from you. I thought I was running to her.”
He closed his eyes. “I know. I actually believe you. But someone is using that weakness to hurt you. They are using it to distract you. To frighten you. It’s pulling you away from me. We weren’t supposed to do this again.”
It felt as if something split under my lungs. Why did we keep hurting each other?
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I answered.
“Then stop making it so easy for someone to come between us.” I knew he was right. It wasn’t jealousy. Or some twisted male ownership attitude. AJ cared about me more deeply than anyone.
“I didn’t mean for it to break us apart. Again.”