The hot guy who sat next to me in Econ 101 was still somewhere in there. Maybe that naiveté and lightheartedness had been hardened, but when I saw him, I saw my crush. My fantasy.
As we fell in love, I fell for every part of him. His smoldering eyes. His strong hands. His dry sense of humor. The way he touched me. The way he made me think about things the way I never had.
We had been living together in the townhouse for a few months when I got the call that he broke his arm playing soccer. As awful as it was to see him hurt, that was the last time I remember things being normal. Our normal. Soon after, I began to realize that something had changed at the Bureau.
I left DataCorp early one afternoon. I had completed my client list for the day. I sat in the sunroom, flipping through a magazine when I heard the back door open.
I looked up. The sling kept AJ’s arm cradled close to his chest. I knew he hated wearing it, but it was necessary with a broken arm, especially one that required surgery.
“Hey.” I smiled. My belly still flipped every time I saw him. I remember what Becca said to me at her housewarming. All the girls had labeled AJ Hart Mr. Sex-on-a-stick.
“I didn’t think you would be here.” He frowned.
“Oh.” I stood and walked into the kitchen. “I finished early and came home. I didn’t want to sit around and play ping pong or gossip at the juice bar. If you’re home too, does that mean we can have date night? It is Friday. Required date night in this town,” I teased.
“Date night?” He looked preoccupied. He had yet to focus on me. He scrolled through his phone.
“I’m tired of TV night with Travis. I just want it to be you and me for a change. No double dates. No pizza. Can we go out? There’s a new noodle place that looks like a dive, but I heard it’s five-star.”
“Syd, this case is not going well. I’m exhausted. My arm hurts like hell. Noodles another night, babe.”
I didn’t want to be one of those girlfriends who pouted. I didn’t want to be the kind who had to beg either. I hated seeing my best friend go through that with her boyfriend. Becca and Travis might live together, but he only seemed to be half-way into the relationship.
I was also determined that AJ and I weren’t going to be one of those couples who hit a slump. The kind of slump that had a vicious ability to chip away at the little things. The excitement. The spontaneity. The hot sex. I didn’t have any intention of being AJ’s roommate. I was so in love with him it made my head spin.
I wasn’t going to let us slide backward. I couldn’t imagine us being anything other than what we were to one another now. We weren’t bright-eyed college dreamers anymore. We weren’t even novices in the work world. We had sorted out the quarter-life crap our friends were trying to wade through. We had been drawn together that night in Becca’s garden, and nothing had pulled us apart.
“Ok, if you don’t want to go out, do you want to do something here?” I asked. “A movie? I could pick up something delicious from the Italian place. No pizza though. Oh, and I have that new bottle of prosecco. I think we should start day drinking.” I grinned, trying to tempt him to let loose for the weekend.
He shook his head. He rested his forehead in his left hand. “Syd, just let me breathe.”
I took a step back. “All right.”
He groaned. “It’s just—” He looked up from his phone.
“No. No. I get it. You’re tired. There’s a lot happening at work. I’m good.”
I tossed the magazine on the counter, walked out of the kitchen, and headed for the staircase. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got to our room, but it had to be better than standing in front of him. I didn’t know how to help him if he didn’t tell me what was wrong. If he didn’t let me into his world, how was I ever going to be able to support his work?
How did I talk him through it? How did I let him lean on me if I didn’t know what the case was? I had no idea what was happening at the Bureau. Would it always be like this? It had only felt darker and more intangible in the past few weeks. God, I wanted it to be temporary. I wanted him to snap out of it.
I rolled my eyes when I saw the costume hanging in the garment bag on the back of the door. AJ hadn’t even stayed home from work long enough to heal. He dove back into his case before his surgeon, Dr. Wexler, had cleared him for duty. And I had special ordered that costume for him. To give him a fantasy. To make him happy while he was recovering at home.
I brushed past it on my way into the closet. I turned on the light and looked at our clothes. His side neat and tidy. Mine disorderly and wildly colorful.
I inhaled one of his work shirts, pressing his collar against my nose. What if he knew the secret I had been keeping? Billy and I had another session this morning. Of course, Billy had no idea I was absorbing his coding skills like a sponge. Part of me felt guilty, but he seemed so eager to teach me, it was easy to sit and listen. As long as I understood that included listening to stories about his girlfriend, I was happy to trade a kind ear for the free lessons.
Something inside me pulled and tugged to confess to AJ. Tonight, wasn’t the right time though. He was in a horrible mood. His arm hurt. The case followed him around like a low-hanging fog. I just wanted it to be over.
My head whipped around when I heard footsteps behind me.
“Oh, you startled me.”
AJ stood in the doorway. He looked lost. As if he could stagger to the floor or
either crush me with his lips.
“Did something happen?” I asked. “Do you have to go into work? Don’t they know it’s the weekend?”