“Then don’t.”
“I don’t know if it will ever stop.” He crushed me with a punishing kiss. I pushed against his body for air. We had to come up to think. To plan. To find a way to the surface. As I squirmed against him, I stopped fighting and started listening to his body. To the fire in his lips. To the realization, that there was no way out for us together. This kiss might be the last breath we shared.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I didn’t expect to see Travis when I walked through the door. He was sitting on the couch with the remote in his hand. It seemed like it was a lifetime ago when Becca and I talked about TV night in my cube.
“Hey.”
“Umm, hi.” I kicked off my heels and hung up my scarf and coat. There was still a chill in the air even though it was the beginning of spring.
“I told Becca we were going to order pizza and watch The Americans. She told me where you keep the spare. She said I could use it.”
“Oh, yeah. Sure.” I pushed my bangs to the side. I organized the mail on the counter, separating AJ’s bills from mine. “I guess she’s ok with that?” I asked. “She didn’t want to come over too?”
“She has a headache.”
“Oh. She didn’t say anything when she left work.” I trailed into the living room. Travis acted like what I thought a brother would act like. He made himself comfortable without asking. His feet were on the coffee table. He had taken up half the sofa.
“What time is AJ going to be home?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” It had been hours since his last text. That was normal. If he was in the field, he couldn’t text or call. It took a while when we started dating, but I was used to it. It was part of the territory that came with dating an FBI agent.
“Are we doing this or what?” Travis aimed the remote at the TV.
“Let me get changed first. I’ll be right back.” I jogged up the stairs and to our master bedroom. I locked the door behind me and pulled off my work cloths.
I had a daily ritual. I jumped into yoga pants as soon as I could. AJ said he liked how cute my ass looked in them. I just liked how comfortable they were. I threaded my arms through a long sleeve T-shirt and shook out my hair. I picked up my phone to text AJ before heading downstairs again.
Travis is here. We’re ordering pizza. Do you want in?
I waited, pressing my lips together, hoping he’d text back that he was almost home. My screen was blank.
I didn’t like what I had discovered. I liked myself even less for having pried into his schedule. Some questions were answered, but I knew I had opened Pandora’s box. What did it say about me that I used a backdoor program to track my boyfriend last week? What did it say about him that he lied and said he was at practice instead of working? What was happening to us?
I gave up on his text, turned off the light, and walked into the hallway to join Travis in the living room. I didn’t want to spend the next couple hours watching TV with Travis, but the truth was if he hadn’t been here I would have stewed in my misery. I would have beaten myself up over what I had just done. At least he offered a temporary distraction.
I turned on the front porch light as I rounded the corner. Travis looked up.
I didn’t think it had happened before, at least I couldn’t remember a time, but as soon as I walked in the room there was something in his eye. A kind of glimmer. A once-over that made me feel strange. I ignored it. It was gone as quickly as it appeared. There was a chance I imagined it, or maybe the guy just had dust in his eye. I dropped into the chaise lounge and wrapped a cashmere blanket to my neck.
“Ok. Ready. I don’t know when AJ will be here so don’t count on him for pizza.”
“Got it. Just one large. You still like pepperoni?” I nodded. He pushed play. “The preview for this episode is sick.”
I could barely keep my eyes open. The next thing I remembered was two deep muffled voices. The room was dark, but I saw AJ and Travis in the kitchen. They were drinking a beer. I curled on to my side.
I had no idea what time it was, but the TV had been turned off. I stretched my legs out and pushed off the chair. I didn’t think I had made it through half of one episode.
“Hi.” I padded into the kitchen. “What time is it?” I lifted my arms into the air and yawned.
“Midnight,” AJ answered.
“You just got home?”
Travis slapped him on the back. “Man, I’m going next door. Try to stay awake next time.” He looked at me.
“Sorry.” I winced. “Not the best TV night I guess.”