Resist

“Because it’s not the kind of thing you talk about with someone you’re casually seeing.” Shit. I didn’t mean to drop our status into the middle of this. “It’s not that—I—”

His fingers dug into my thigh. “Elliot, I’m not going to change my mind about you.”

My chest seized. It was the way he looked at me with those piercing eyes. Or how his gaze drifted to my lips. Or how with his hand on my leg I felt almost as connected to him as I did in bed.

“He, umm, he … Garrett has bipolar disorder.” I waited for Vaughn’s expression to change, but it didn’t. “And right now he’s going off his meds voluntarily. It’s one of his protests. He moved out without talking to my mother and is trying to be part of a start-up business at the beach.”

“Doesn’t sound like a good situation for anyone.”

“It’s not. My mom has tried. I’ve tried.” I looked at Vaughn. “We’re twins. Garrett and I are twins. And it makes me feel like I should be able to help more—do more for him than anyone else.”

“You know that’s not actually true? As his sister, you’re the same as everyone else in this puzzle. Did he just call or text or something?”

I nodded. “He did. It’s been over twenty-four hours since I last heard from him. I think he’s fine for now. Until he hits one of his peaks and crashes. He can’t just go cold turkey off the medication like this.”

“Sounds like hell.”

“I used to feel so bad for him. I used to worry about how he felt. How hard it was for him to go up and down all the time. What his body had to go through just so he could function. And then somewhere along the way I stopped feeling so bad for him and started getting angry at him. And I think that’s what eats away at me the most. I’m a terrible sister.”

“For not wanting to be jerked around by someone else? That doesn’t make you terrible. That makes you human.”

I sniffed. “And consumed with enough guilt to fill this bar.”

“I have brothers and sisters.”

“You do?” I asked.

“There are five of us total. I’m in the middle. And although I’ve never had to deal with mental health problems with them, there have been other things. Families deal with shit. And what I do, what they do—it’s unrelated. I’m not responsible for their lives and they sure as hell aren’t responsible for mine.”

My stomach twisted in knots. “You can just make that distinction and you’re ok with it?”

“Yeah, I am. Doesn’t mean I don’t care. But I have to live my life, and I think you know you have to live yours too.”

“I do know that. It’s why I moved. Part of the reason.”

My hand rested on top of his. I needed more of his reassurance. More of his touch.

“I wanted to get away from him and the problems that came along with the decisions he and my mom made. That and Greer said she desperately needed a roommate.” I smiled.

“The roommate who is never home?”

“Yes, that one. I think she really just needed someone to act as an apartment sitter. It was just a ploy to get me here.”

“Not a bad plan.” He winked and my insides melted.

Our glasses were empty. The baseball game was in the ninth inning. I hadn’t seen anyone walk through the door in a while.

“Thanks for listening. And for not judging me.”

“I already made my judgments about you and they have nothing to do with the brother I’ve never met.”

His free hand slid to my chin. It moved along my cheek until he had drawn my lips to within inches of his face.

“You have?” I whispered.

“Mmmhmm.” He brushed his lips over mine and I sighed before he

took my mouth with the kind of kiss that made me forget we were sitting in a bar.