Resist

It wasn’t, but I lied. “Yes. You can send in the next client in five minutes.”

I walked behind my desk, ready to put my conversation with Max Harrison behind me.

Chapter Twenty-Six

For three weeks I met with Agent Kenneth every day at six o’clock. He waited for me on the steps outside my office at the clinic. We would sit on the bench in the commons until my shuttle arrived. I’d answer a few questions and then he’d let me go.

There was no new information on Vaughn. He hadn’t been spotted. He hadn’t surfaced on the intelligence radar.

I hadn’t decided if I was glad or not.

The last twenty-one days I had cycled through the stages of grief not once, but twice. Sometimes I’d go through all the stages in the same day. I would try to hold on to one, but a memory would attack, shaking me to my core.

When I turned the lights out at night and I reached for the cool sheets next to me was when the denial stage hit me. It was the moment in the day I didn’t care that I mourned a fictitious relationship. I didn’t care that the love was only on my side. That didn’t matter when the lights went down and I was alone.

In the mornings I usually awoke with anger. It propelled me out of bed. It fueled me more than the caffeine in my two cups of coffee. The anger was powerful. It took over everything until the next wave hit me.

Regret. Guilt. Embarrassment. Those were tossed in there with the sea of changing tides. I couldn’t hold on to one feeling for long before another one swept over me. Maybe that was my acceptance. Acceptance that this was my life now.

In a few days campus would be shut down. The students would leave for Thanksgiving break and as a general rule, the clinic followed the same schedule as the university.

I could tell Jessie and Gregory needed a break. They were excited about their proclaimed Friendsgiving. Meg was going home to Pennsylvania to spend the holiday with her grandmother. Addie hadn’t mentioned if she had plans. I had stopped bothering to ask her anything personal.

I decided that I would drive to New Bern. After spending money on an unexpected ticket, I couldn’t afford to buy another one so soon. Garrett was bringing Morgan to Thanksgiving dinner. It would be a distraction. One of the only times I considered New Bern a sanctuary.

Meg waltzed in my office with her time sheet.

“Can you sign this please so I can scan it in?” she asked, placing the form in front of me.

“Sure.”

I initialed the last line and dated it.

“I’m meeting some friends for drinks tonight. Want to go with us?”

“I don’t think so.” I hadn’t been out since everything collapsed. “I have finals to grade.”

I couldn’t imagine walking into a bar. I had no interest in men. I also had no confidence in my ability to judge character. That part o

f me was irreparable.

“Oh come on. You can get Jessie and Greg to work on that for you. You should have some fun. You’ll like my friends.”

I smiled. “I bet I would, but I want to get the grades in and posted tonight. Then it will be off my plate.”

She twisted her lips together. “You can text me if you change your mind.”

“Thanks. If I finish early, I’ll let you know.”

They didn’t know. No one here knew what had happened. They seemed sensitive and concerned, but I realized they were trying to give me space after what happened with Garrett’s emergency. Vaughn was a secret I kept to myself. A dark secret between the U.S. government and me.

I packed my laptop and locked my files for the night.

“Good night, Addie.”

She seemed to be staying later each night.

“Good night.”