Way Off Plan (Firsts and Forever 1)

“Speaking of your family, do they want to meet Dmitri?”

“Yeah. They’re expecting me to bring him over on Sunday.”

“Are you going to do that?”

I pushed some clothes aside and sunk down on the couch. “I don’t know yet. On one hand, I want them to meet him and see for themselves that he’s a really good guy. But on the other hand, they’re going to be completely awful to him. I mean, my dad’s going to literally interrogate Dmitri. How can I subject him to that?”

Jess looked up from the dark blue dress shirt she was holding and said, “Have you ever actually asked Dmitri if he’s guilty of the things everyone assumes he’s done? If he really does smuggle heroin into the country? Or if he really is in the Russian mafia?”

“No.”

“Why not? Don’t you think there’s even a chance he’s guilty?”

I looked down at my hands, which were fidgeting with the hem of my t-shirt. “Ok, the drug thing? There’s no way he’s messed up in something like that. But the mafia…I know who some of his associates are, and what they do. So I guess I do kind of wonder. I know for a fact though that he’d never do anything violent, he’d never hurt anyone. He’s a good person, no matter what he’s tangled up in.”

“So even if he really is a criminal, you don’t care.”

“I love him Jess, plain and simple. I hope to God he really is innocent. But if he’s not, that doesn’t cancel out how I feel about him.”

“What are you going to do about your job?” she asked, moving some clothes aside to sit beside me on the couch. “If you really are dating a felon, your career’s over.”

“Actually, regardless of Dmitri’s guilt or innocence, I think I’m going to leave the force. I was never cut out for police work. You know that the only reason I became a cop was because I couldn’t think of anything else to do when I got out of school. So maybe this is the excuse I needed to quit and figure out what to do with my life.”

Jess nodded. “It was never a great fit for you. But the fact is, you’re part of a cop family. And half the people you know are cops. Even if you quit, there’s still going to be a huge conflict. Your world and Dmitri’s can never really fit together.”

“I know. And that’s ok. I only get a few months with him anyway. He’s getting married, remember? After he’s out of my life, I can patch things up with my family. It’ll be fine.” I cleared my throat as a lump rose up.

Jess pulled me into a hug. “Christ, Jamie, none of this is fine. What the fuck is he doing marrying someone else when he’s–” she stopped talking abruptly.

I pulled back and looked at her. “When he’s what?”

“Obviously crazy about you,” she hedged.

“He’s doing the same thing Charlie was doing. He wants a wife and kids, a straight lifestyle.”

“Think so? Dmitri flaunts the fact that he’s gay. From what I’ve heard about what he does at his club, he couldn’t be more blatant about his sexuality.”

“What have you heard?”

“That he takes different men home every night, sometimes in multiples, right under the nose of his family. Liam’s buddy Scott used to tend bar there, so I heard all about it.” She saw my reaction and said, “Though clearly, that’s not the case anymore. You two have been inseparable since you met, he’s not sleeping around now.”

I considered this for a while, then said, “I kind of wonder what he’s doing with me. I mean obviously, the man could have anyone. Ow!” I yelled as Jess poked me in the head. “What was that for?”

“For thinking even for a minute that you’re not good enough for him.”

“But Jess, look at him. And look at me.”

“Is that why you bought all these new clothes? Because you’re trying to be good enough for him?” she asked quietly.

“Isn’t it obvious? He’s only three years older than me, but I look like a teenager next to him. I never really cared before how I came across to other people, but now I do. I don’t want to drive Dmitri away by being an unsophisticated clod. I get precious little time with him as it is.”

“Jamie, if I in any way contributed to this lack of self-esteem, I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t, Jess. Why would you say that?”

“Because I’m forever picking on your wardrobe. Which, ok, is atrocious. But that has nothing to do with the fact that you’re an amazing person. You’re sweet and kind and funny and gorgeous. And Dmitri Teplov is one lucky bastard to get to be with you.”

“Oh God,” I said. “Now I feel like you’re staging an intervention, a self-esteem one this time. Everyone I know seems to think I need an ungodly amount of support.”